Scottish football is two weeks into the new season and the Scottish Premiership title race is wide open as several tea… Er, never mind: the two-horse race is already well under way as Celtic and Rangers open up an early gap on the rest of the pack.
This has been the case for 35 years now, so it’s only fair that clubs gather together and come up with a plan. A sensible suggestion is they all get behind *checks the league table* Ross County. As the only other team to remain unbeaten, it seems only right that the other nine teams admit defeat and roll over to the last remaining hope as Scotland strives for change at the top.
Back to the old firm now though, and Rangers put six past Hibs at Ibrox on Sunday, with Jermain Defoe scoring a hat-trick. You would expect him to do that every week given his pedigree, and adding in Alfredo Morelos, this pretty much sums up how defenders will feel this season:
Chase Defoe about aw day and then Fredo comes on 😂 Hibs defense…. pic.twitter.com/fiSef1ueNN
— AJ (@andyjessjnr) August 11, 2019
Hibs fans, however, weren’t as pleased as they endured an embarrassing trip to Glasgow. Thankfully though, one man’s pain is another man’s pleasure, and as such everyone gets to enjoy their reactions to the score, including the season’s first Still Game reaction video:
— Euan Boyle (@euan_boyle) August 11, 2019
It’s already been a tough summer for Kilmarnock, having lost both Steve Clarke and the will to live after being embarrassed by a part-time Welsh team, and it’s not getting any better as they now find themselves bottom of the league.
It’s important to be honest when times are tough, and Gary Dicker appears to have heard the “honesty is the best policy” message loud and clear:
Apologies to everyone who travelled today. We can’t hide from it, we were brutal.
— Gary Dicker (@gary_dicker) August 10, 2019
When they appointed Angelo Alessio there was so much hope of Italian madness but that hope has faded fast.
Fear not, there is a solution: Mario Balotelli doesn’t have a club yet. He’s rumoured to be heading to Brazil, but if anyone can lure him to Rugby Park, it’s Gordon Sawers. That, by the way, would be an incredible duo and is enough to make everyone become a Killie fan immediately.
In the “I don’t know how Scottish football outdoes itself every week but it does and it’s incredible” category for this week, we have Queen of the South. The Championship side have threatened to evict any supporters found to be feeding the seagulls at Palmerston Park.
‼️To minimise the impact of the seagulls on everyones enjoyment of the game please DO NOT feed them and USE the bins provided for all waste food. Please consider your fellow supporters. If you are seen to be deliberately feeding the seagulls you will be removed from the ground‼️ pic.twitter.com/AjMcIfdMYu
— Queen of the South (@OfficialQosFC) August 8, 2019
Now, Scottish football can have its problems with bad language, exuberance and the occasional little scuffle, but never has a supporter confuse a football stadium with a petting zoo. Anyway, the list of items now banned from Palmerston includes pyro, knives, glass bottles, salmon, trout and haddock.
The good news? Everyone respected the club’s wishes meaning no seagulls were fed and no supporters were shat on. Saying that, it’s supposed to be lucky and they’re yet to pick up a win in the league, so a stray turd might help.
— Queen of the South (@OfficialQosFC) August 11, 2019
Lastly, with the 9/2 treble landing last week, your Scottish football picks for this weekend are:
Raith @ 5/6 – Stranraer v Raith
Queen’s Park @ 6/4 – Brechin v Queen’s Park
Peterhead @ 8/11 – Peterhead v Dumbarton