Well folks, we waited all summer for this moment. Did it disappoint? This is Scottish football people, it never disappoints. We’ve had one weekend of games and it’s back to its very best.
This week we have ‘at least you tried’ goal gifs, Berwick Rangers being Berwick Rangers, a new award for those ruining our patter and of course, the usual pumpings and strange goings-on.
A few seasons ago Bristol City introduced goal gifs and they damn near broke the internet. It’s taken a while, probably due to our lack of decent wifi, but they’ve reached Scotland!
Sadly for Ross County, their effort looks more like a suspicious hostage video you’d see on a 1980s movie than a celebration, but I’m also strangely awaiting more goals…
GOAL!!! 3-0 Ross Stewart just after the break pic.twitter.com/Z6CFEsxnFv
— Ross County FC (@RossCounty) July 13, 2019
Berwick Rangers got relegated out of the SPFL in May after a horrendous season, which concluded with a 7-0 aggregate defeat to Cove. They ended 2018/19 having gone 907 minutes without a goal.
Did they take the summer to regroup, compose themselves and go again? No.
They appear to have spent the summer in the pub, or perhaps a coma, as their first game resulted in a 7-0 pumping to Ayr United. The seventh goal was quite something, let me know if you can work out what the f*ck happened here…
Kris Doolan here, with the most "completed the rout" goal of all time in Ayr United's 7-0 win over Berwick Rangers yesterday. I won't lie, it took me a long time to work out what on earth actually happened. pic.twitter.com/pZWHkno6PS
— FraserClarke (@Fraser_Clarke) July 14, 2019
I can imagine by this point you’re thinking so far so good, but 7-0 isn’t a big enough pumping and you’d really like to see goalies scoring game-winning penalties.
Thankfully Celtic Women, who have gone full-time over the summer, beat Newcastle’s Women 11-0. Mike Ashley’s not having a great time of it down there, is he?
In the Betfred Cup we have that stupid system where a draw goes straight to penalties for a bonus point. Normally no-one really cares but Peterhead and Inverness weren’t keen to miss out, with all ten outfielders netting for both teams.
As the ‘keepers couldn’t stop one to save themselves, they stepped up and it was Peterhead’s Greg Fleming who announced himself the hero.
Penalty Shoutout: Peterhead 11-10 @ICTFC
— Peterhead FC (@pfcofficial) July 16, 2019
Lastly, ahead of the new season, I’m going to address the element of Scottish Football that enrages me. People know we’ve a reputation for being hilarious and I’m seeing more and more people try, and fail, to get involved.
I’m taking some inspiration from the internet’s ‘Didn’t Happen of the Year Awards’ and am proud to introduce Scottish football’s very own ‘You’re Trying Far Too Hard And Aren’t Actually That Funny But A Bit Embarrassing Awards’. So, here we go, the new YTFTHAAATFBABE Awards.
My first winner, with not one but TWO fine examples of this, is: Livingston FC!
Firstly, they appear to have actually put #Spaghettihad on their new kit. Spaghettihad is the joke name for their stadium, which is really called the Toni Macaroni Arena, and is actually quite funny.
However, the hashtag is not part of a wider campaign and they’ve not actually renamed the stadium, meaning they just look stupid and attention-grabbing with this one.
— Clare (@hopetofly_x) July 12, 2019
Secondly, this. Do I need to say any more? The “Welcome to the 2019/20 season, folks” screams beg. In the bin with you, Livingston.
81 – Your humble social media scribe was just on the receiving end of a beauty of a dump from a bird perched high in the stand here/
Welcome to the 2019/20 season, folks.
— Livingston FC (@LiviFCOfficial) July 13, 2019
Tune in throughout the season to see which other clubs can get their hands this illustrious new award.