Harry Maguire: My heart says United but my massive head says City

It really is a fine head


Leicester City star Harry Maguire is torn between his heart and his gargantuan head in what’s set to be the transfer saga of the summer. The 26-year-old is at the centre of a tug of war between Manchester’s two biggest clubs who are both desperate to land the England defender.

However, the Foxes are determined to keep hold of their prized asset and have slapped a whopping £90m price tag on his head. It’s unknown how much they value the rest of his body at.

Maguire broke his silence this morning with a Tweet which read:

‘This decision is even more difficult than the time I tried to squeeze my head into my first England cap’.

‘I’m torn between my heart, which says United. And my massive head, which says City’.

‘Although learning from Jones & Smalling (two of the best in the business) is an attractive prospect, I feel my future lies at City, a club with an illustrious 10-year history’.

Harry Maguire

Undeterred, United opened the bidding with a £70m offer which was swiftly rebuffed by Leicester chairman and Scrabble lover’s favourite Aiyawatt Srivaddhanaprabha.

Meanwhile, Pep Guardiola believes Harry Maguire has just the kind of head Man City are looking for in their quest to fill the extremely large void left behind by departing skipper, Vincent Kompany.

‘Vinny was an enormous presence in the changing room. I guess it’s hard not to be when you’ve a loaf his size’, said the 48-year-old Spaniard, himself the owner of a bulbous bonce.

‘Whoever comes in to replace him will have enormous shoes to fill – as well as an assortment of baseball caps he left in his locker’.

Maguire’s Tweet set tongues wagging in the SkySports studios, with pundits Gary Neville and Jamie Carragher expressing differing views on the former Sheffield United defender.

‘When you think of some of the big heads we’ve had down the years: your Silvestres; your Kompanys; your Sulley Muntaris – he’s right up there with the best of them, isn’t he?’ gushed Gary Neville while showing a highlight reel of some of the Premier League’s big-headed stars.

However, his colleague Jamie Carragher was less impressed.

‘Are we gonna be sitting here in a few years’ time putting Harry Maguire’s head in the same bracket as Gervinho’s? Only time will tell I guess’.

Slabhead to sign for: United – 5/6 | City – 5/6

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