Toothy Uruguay forward Luis Suarez plunged to new depths of depravity at the Copa America last night.
Firstly, he asked the referee to book Chile’s Gonzalo Jara for tripping a pitch invader THEN appealed for handball when Chile goalkeeper Gabriel Arias saved his attempted cross.
These latest additions to a lengthy list of misdemeanours involving the 32-year-old Barca hitman gives us the perfect excuse to marvel at his back catalogue of b**tardry…
Huge congratulations to Luis Suarez for reaching peak Luis Suarez, appealing for handball from a goalkeeper. pic.twitter.com/Isvv4Xo8n3
— FourFourTwo ⚽️ (@FourFourTwo) June 25, 2019
2003: A 16-year-old Suarez subtly hints that he disagrees with the ref’s decision to send him off during a youth game by breaking the official’s nose with a head-butt.
2003: In an attempt to curtail the 16-year-old’s wild partying, a Nacional coach tells Suarez that he’ll ‘never play until he starts taking soccer more seriously’.
2007: The 20-year-old is sent off for dissent on his Uruguay debut against Colombia.
2007: Dutch giants Ajax attempt to buy Suarez for €3.5m, but FC Groningen decline to sell. As a result, Suarez files a case with the Dutch league’s arbitration committee to force the move. Suarez is denied by the court. However, Ajax return with an improved offer and he gets his move.
2007: Suarez is suspended by Ajax for a half-time bust-up with his team-mate Albert Luque. Apparently, the former Newcastle striker swung 18 punches at Suarez but missed with every one of them.
2010: An unrepentant Suarez claims he ‘made the save of the tournament’ after deliberately handling a header from Ghana’s Dominic Adiyiah to prevent a goal during their World Cup semi-final encounter with Uruguay. Suarez is shown a red card, but celebrates in the tunnel when Ghana misses the resulting penalty kick. Uruguay go on to win, thus denying the Black Stars the opportunity to be the first African nation to reach a World Cup semi-final.
2010: The Uruguayan is affectionately branded as “the Cannibal of Ajax” in the Dutch press after biting PSV Eindhoven midfielder Otman Bakkal. The first of several high profile biting incidents involving the bucktoothed striker.
2011: Suarez handed an eight-match ban and a £40,000 fine by the Football Association after being found guilty of racially abusing Manchester United’s Patrice Evra. The pair clashed during a heated 1-1 draw at Anfield.
2011: The striker is given a one-match ban for throwing his middle finger up to Fulham fans.
2012: Suarez embroils himself in another confrontation with Patrice Evra after refusing to shake the hand of the United defender prior to kick-off at Old Trafford.
2012: He dives in front of Everton boss David Moyes’ technical area to celebrate a goal after Scot had accused him of diving.
2013: The Uruguayan admits he dived during a game with Stoke with the score poised at 0-0. Afterwards he confessed: “It’s true, I did it that time, because we were drawing against Stoke at home and we needed anything to win it.”
2013: He punches Chile defender Gonzalo Jara in the throat during a World Cup qualifier.
2013: Suarez bites the arm of Branislav Ivanovic during a 2-2 draw at Anfield. However, the incident is not spotted by the referee and the FA dish out a 10-game ban as punishment.
2013: Liverpool rejects a cheeky £40,000,001 bid for Suarez from Arsenal after the Gunners activate his minimum release fee by a quid! Suarez goes public with his desire to leave, much to the disgust of manager Brendan Rodgers.
2014: Jaws III. Suarez bites Italy’s Giorgio Chiellini during a group stage game at the 2014 World Cup resulting in a worldwide four-month suspension from all football-related activity.
Actually I take that last tweet back – Luis Suarez calling for a card after an opponent kicked a fan running on the field is the most Luis Suarez-thing he’s ever done pic.twitter.com/G93sFp5a3R
— Yu (@YucciMane) June 25, 2019
2018: During a 2018 World Cup game against Portugal, after collisions with Portuguese players, Suarez twice acted like he had a head injury – despite his head not being touched!
2019: Suarez calls for a Chile player to be booked after he trips a Uruguayan pitch invader during a Copa America group game.
2019: In the same game, he appeals for handball when the Chile goalkeeper saves his attempted cross.
What will Suarez do next?
2020: New FIFA cheat codes are officially declared ‘Suarez Mode’?
2021: Suarez appeals for handball in the shower after a game?
2022: After yet another biting incident, Suarez is destroyed under the dangerous animals act?