The 51-year-old German was celebrating with his players following yesterday’s Champions League trophy parade through Liverpool city centre when he became separated from the rest of the party.
Liverpool FC released an official statement around midday confirming their manager, who was found in a city centre Travelodge, believes he may have been spiked with ‘roofies’.
The former Dortmund boss was seen downing countless bottles of cheap piss-tasting Danish lager while celebrating with fans during his side’s open-top bus parade which began at Allerton Maze and ended near the waterfront.
The former Mainz defender got off the bus then stumbled toward a nearby off-licence where he purchased three large bottles of a foul-smelling tonic wine which is popular with those who drink until they sh*t themselves.
After consuming the tonic wine, the inebriated pioneer of ‘Gegenpressing’ was thrown out of a nearby takeaway for urinating up its windows.
CCTV footage shows Klopp staggering into a kebab shop then pointing at a slowly rotating chunk of compacted meat consisting of chicken ovaries (17%), horse penis (43%) and greyhound (40%).
However, it was while waiting on his meat-shavings that Klopp whipped his lad out and began to urinate inside the premises.
‘Jurgen was writing a giant number six on the shop window with his piss when big Tariq kicked his drunken hairy German arse into the street’, said Arslan, proprietor of Arslan’s Sweaty Meats.
Shortly afterwards, the European Cup winning boss is alleged to have mingled with a group of Liverpool supporters who Klopp claims spiked his three-litre bottle of cider.
The Liverpool manager says he remembers very little after his encounter with the supporters and the next thing he recalls is waking up totally nude on the floor of a Travelodge hotel suite.
Klopp surveyed his surroundings and noticed an array of foreign objects that he’d stolen while pished including a traffic cone, a shopping trolley and a mannequin.
Upon rising to his feet, the German caught a glimpse of his reflection and noticed a large tattoo of a liver bird engulfing the right-hand side of his face.
The Champions League winner stumbled his way into the bathroom to see if he could wash it off and got the fright of his life when he saw Tiger Woods in the foetal position on the floor.
When asked by Paddy Power News reporters outside the hotel how his head was, the German replied ‘BOOM’.
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