A Watford victory in tomorrow’s FA Cup final against Manchester City looks about as likely as a second term for Theresa May. But Paddy Power News has come up with five ways The Hornets could sneak an unlikely win…
1. Football Manager ‘Save Game’ Trick
Let’s be honest, we’ve all done it.
You’ve pulled a few sickies, even sacrificed a long-term relationship and you aren’t about to let the whole season go to shit now. So what do you do on the eve of that crunch fixture that could define your entire campaign? Save the game right before kick-off.
Then if you lose, simply replay the fucking thing multiple times until you achieve the desired result. Sorted Javi!
2. Elton John – Special Guest Referee
Picture the scene. The national anthem ends, finally. match official Kevin Friend is poised in the centre circle about to get proceedings underway. He puts the whistle to his lips, when suddenly…
‘I’m Still Standing’ comes blasting through the PA system. A packed Wembley Stadium watches in total disbelief as life-long Watford fan and international superstar Elton John emerges from the tunnel to administer a Stone Cold Stunner to the ref.
With the Leicester-based official unconscious, Elton picks up the whistle and declares himself the new ref. The game is only 8 seconds old when the Rocket Man singer sends off three City players and awards Watford their second penalty kick.
3. FIFA Cheat
Imagine Javi Gracia pulling an all-nighter while watching endless YouTube tutorials about how to boost his Watford player’s attributes like in FIFA 19?
The Spaniard is completely transfixed, absorbing every last detail as a 33-year-old virgin referring to himself as a ‘pro-gamer’ gives instruction. The former Villarreal midfielder rigs his player’s attributes for speed, stamina and shooting all the way up to 100, while simultaneously leaving the City squad with all the ability of a half-pissed Sunday League outfit.
As sunlight creeps through the curtains of his London hotel suite, Gracia affords himself a wry smile as he knows that victory will be all his.
4. TLC Match
Sure they can play football but how would this current City crop fare in a WWE-style tables, ladders & chairs match?
The oldest prize in football is suspended above the ring. Twenty-two footballers knock seven shades of sh*t out of each other using tables, chairs and a host of other foreign objects as they attempt to reach the trophy.
Ten minutes later and with everyone else unconscious, Pep Guardiola slowly climbs the ladder. With the FA Cup seemingly within his grasp, Pep inexplicably stops and points to Javi Gracia who’s sprawled out on the canvas below. The former Barca boss attempts a Swanton Bomb but Gracia rolls out of the way at the very last second.
With Guardiola KO’d on the mat and the crowd urging him every step of the way, Javi reaches out to touch the famous old trophy and secure the victory.
5. City face UEFA sanctions
After yet another probe into the financial irregularities of money-bags City, UEFA uncover a serious breach of the fair play rules by the Premier League outfit.
As a result, European football’s governing body impose a list of severe sanctions upon the club. The FA then intervene and decide to award the FA Cup to Watford without a ball being kicked.
The Premier League follow suit by demoting Pep Guardiola’s side to League One, sending the club back to where it belongs.
Ah well, it was good while it lasted lads, eh?