Well let’s start this week off with the good news: We’re going to win the world cup. No, I’m not on drugs, I’m referring to Scotland’s women’s team.
On Monday, they plodded over to Spain and beat Brazil 1-0. Brazil are ranked 10th in the world, making this a fantastic achievement for the team ahead of this summer’s World Cup.
The women’s game in Scotland has been growing consistently over the last decade and it’s now better than ever with World Cup qualification and players making a name for themselves domestically in competitions such as the Champion’s League.
FULL TIME | Scotland 1-0 Brazil.
A monumental effort from #SWNT sees take the victory at the @PinatarArena – meaning we are undefeated in our two friendly matches this month. A terrific, organised and disciplined performance.#OurGirlsOurGame pic.twitter.com/SGpFxscKBZ
— Scotland National Team (@ScotlandNT) April 8, 2019
This is a stark contrast to the Men’s team. Our most recent away trip – ignoring San Marino as it was so bad we’re all forgetting it ever happened – was a 3-0 defeat away to 116th ranked Kazakhstan. I wish I could just forget that too to be honest. Our only highlight from my entire lifetime has been the minute we were leading v England and that time McFadden scored a screamer in Paris. The mood has arguably never been worse.
For this reason, I’m calling to officially scrap the Men’s team. The doom and gloom – coupled with players seemingly faking injuries to avoid playing – means it is kindest to call it a day. Pass the baton on to Shelley Kerr and her squad, they’re our only hope. With Hampden, TV money and the SFA’s full attention, we have a chance at becoming a huge player on the international scene. If the men want to keep going, they can go and play at St Mirren’s ground on Thursday nights.
Anyway, back to the weekend’s domestic news. Neil Lennon broke the internet with his comments on Gerrard talking nonsense, although sadly he stopped short of telling him to take his face for a shite.
🗣 NL: “The only rational thing Steven Gerrard has said this week is that they played the best team in the country on Sunday.” #CELLIV
— Celtic Football Club (@CelticFC) April 5, 2019
Nairn County and Fort William provided all the entertainment in the Highland League on Saturday. However, with 47 losses between them this season, you’ve probably guessed it was off the pitch.
Lossiemouth’s game was delayed as the referee threw up, causing much hilarity online.
Now the standard of football at this level can often make people feel sick, but that’s an extreme reaction from the man in the middle there.
Nairn County’s kick off was delayed as they had to clear shite off the pitch. No, not the players – they’re meant to be there – but deposits from the rear end of a deer. I suppose that’s to be expected from a pitch in the middle of the highlands.
Kick off suspended until 3.30 pm due to the ref being delayed with the pitch currently waterlogged and covered in deer faeces.
— Nairn County FC (@NairnCounty) April 6, 2019
Lastly, whilst mascots are becoming increasingly popular with clubs as a way of growing fan engagement and connecting with their younger audiences, Ayr United’s panda took the latter literally by stomping on the head of a young child.
Accidentally of course – as the video here shows – but it’s still a good laugh.
To round off, here’s a treble for Saturday’s SPFL fixtures as the drama starts to build ahead of the final month of action:
*All odds correct at time of posting