The Rebound: Lamps ‘to reunite’ entire England 2006 World Cup squad at Derby

Except for Theo Walcott.

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The Rebound has learned from sources close to the concierge at the Schloss Buhlerhohe Hotel that Frank Lampard recently arranged and chaired a “super-secret meeting” in the establishment’s main function room.

“Ja, Lampard sent an email asking to book the facility,” claims the source. “He asked for ‘a few packets of Walkers Prawn Cocktail, twenty barrels of Paulaner and all the Black Forest Gateau you can lay your hands on.’

“The hotel was only too happy to acquiesce, considering it’s still basically only in business thanks to that time when the England team and their WAGs pitched up in Baden-Baden back in 2006.

“When they arrived this time, they spent all night locked in the room playing loud music. I think it was mostly Scooter, but there was definitely some Whitney Houston. At one point, a short ginger man popped out to ask for more bottles of wine and to enquire as to whether we had any Volkswagen Beetles lying around as he needed to spin down to Tesco for ‘a packet of cigs.’

“I pointed out that the nearest Tesco was in Dover and that we only had Aldi nearby. He replied, ‘Okay no worries mate, anyway listen I have a pal who needs picking up in the morning so would you mind texting him for me as I’m a bit pissed, cheers’.”

Speculation has risen as to the nature of the meeting, but after consultation with a separate source close to the Derby County manager, there is mounting evidence to suggest Lampard is aiming to reunite the entire 2006 World Cup squad at Pride Park.

“Yeah, Frank keeps going on about 2006,” insists the source. “Here, look at this Viber he sent me: ‘It was just a great bunch of lads having a bit of craic in Baden-Baden. I really miss those days. Great days. Yeah, great days.’

“He’s got a photo of Sven in his office and is always trying to bring the squad on trips to luxury hotels on mountaintops in central Europe. Sadly, Derby only have the budget for the Travelodge Nottingham Trowell M1 but sure that was a great weekend anyway. You should have heard the stories Lamps and Scotty Carson told the lads…

“Anyway, getting Ashley Cole is only the start of it. He’s got plans to sign up JT as an official stadium tour-guide, and I know he reckons Crouchy can do a job up top. Becks is going to come in as Public Relations officer and G-Nev’s on board for the Data Analysis gig.

“Basically everyone from that ’06 squad is on their way to Derby. Apart from Theo Walcott, who Lamps says is ‘absolutely sh*te.’

“Now that his entire tactical repertoire has been outed thanks to Marcelo Bielsa, Frank believes this grand reunion is the way forward. Steve McClaren only left a while ago, so the 2006 legacy is strong here – the club believes strongly in this new approach.”

Derby are 7/2 to win promotion in 2018-19

 

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