Full Tweet W*nkers: Custis v Christian, plus a one-man defence of the indefensible

After an update from José Mourinho's number one fan, we check-in at the Custis Desk, where Neil's not exactly being a Christian...

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This week on FTW, we start off with a bit of quality from a man who is very definitely not a w*nker.

That’s right, it’s our very own Andrew Beasley weighing in with a delightful insight on one of FTW’s most regular contributors:

But to what could Andrew possibly be referring?

Well, as if you hadn’t already guessed, Big Dunc’s been at it again.

The man is absolutely relentless. And in a way, you have to kind of admire the sheer chutzpah it takes to plough such a lonely and ludicrous furrow.

It seems nothing will stand in the way of Duncan’s one-man defence of the indefensible – not even the collective mockery of several thousand tweeps. Unlike Mourinho, however, he’s long moved on from a defence-only position, having decided to launch an ambitious attacking policy of snidely undermining José’s “rivals”. It’s an interesting tactic, Clive. But will it pay off? Only time will tell.

Still we beg the question: what on earth is Duncan going to do when José inevitably gets the sack?

Anyway, we move on now to a bit of a classic of the anti-Ozil genre:

In his 20 minutes against Southampton, Mesut Ozil created more chances than anyone on the pitch. If that’s not “offering something going forward”, we’re not sure what is. Oh, and there’s also the fact that he fashioned all those opportunities while “crowded out by Southampton players.”

Still, who doesn’t love a nice easy target at the end of the day? Mesut Ozil loses ball, fails to win it back – absolutely textbook, that.

Over now to Manchester and the Custis Desk where, in between the usual customer service complaints against large corporations, Neil “I want a refund” Custis has been getting a little bit aggro with Manc legend Terry Christian. From what we can tell, it all started when Christian pulled this absolute gem out of the archives:

Ouch. That’s rough on Neil. Still, the man from the Sun can be expected to handle it with his normal good grace…

Oh.

Okay, Neil, it was just a joke. There’s no need to fly off the han –

Neil. Neil! Neil, chill out man.

Certainly, one of these people is proving what a prat they are, but we’ll keep it to ourselves which one we think that might be.

Find the latest Premier League odds over at paddypower.com