So it seems the UK Treasury is going to mint a specially designed ‘commemorative Brexit 50p coin’.
No, we’re not making it up. (You couldn’t, really.)
— HM Treasury (@hmtreasury) October 29, 2018
As far as we can tell, it’s not a parody either. They’re really doing this.
To be honest, you have to admire their chutzpah, if not the production values put into producing that lovely little video. (Oh, and what’s that quote actually about – highlighting the things the UK won’t have any of after 29 March 2019?)
Besides, if there’s anything worth commemorating about modern-day Britain, it’s not Brexit. It’s the Premier League – and maybe on a good day the Scottish Premiership.
So, using the same high-powered graphics machine – ie Microsoft Paint – as HM Treasury, we came up with five top-quality designs featuring quotes we’re certain would pique public interest. Ladies and gentlemen, here they are:
Kevin Keegan – “I will love it…”
Oft-misquoted, this one.
Still, what finer metaphor for Brexit can there be than a fiery wee Keggy shouting defiantly into a camera before eventually capitulating to a much stronger opponent?
Richard Keys – “It was just…”
We’re still not entirely convinced that this whole leaving-the-EU thing isn’t just a gigantic piece of banter on the part of Bozza Johnson, Big Nige F and their chinless-wonder cronies.
Even if they’re serious about it, the Keysian defence offers an easy way out. Who knows, in a few months we might see Theresa May, or whoever is Prime Minister at that point, furiously mugging and shouting down the phone at Michel Barnier: “It was just banter! Please for the love of god let us stay!”
Mario Balotelli – “Finally…”
No, this isn’t a quote from David Cameron.
Here’s a reminder:
Finally my little pig arrived! She is only 2 month old! Is a she but i called her SUPER! 😉 pic.twitter.com/6rMaRE9wox
— Mario Balotelli (@FinallyMario) August 9, 2013
Wayne Rooney – “Hi Rio…”
To be fair, unlike Victor ‘Can You Tweet Something Like’ Anichebe, at least we know Rooney takes care of his own Twitter account – or he did back then, anyway.
The same man gave us other classics such as:
Whitney has passed away. RIP u will live on forever. Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. Really cant believe this. @
— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) February 12, 2012
We’re only going for the first example as it displays the collaborative spirit that will be necessary in order to get the UK through a post-Brexit world. Actually, wait, hasn’t Rooney already emigrated?
Alan Pardew – “Shut your noise…”
A powerful, sleek British alpha-male telling a pesky foreigner where to go. Perfect for commemoration, really.