Five quotes that should be on a commemorative Premier League 50p coin

You can keep your Brexit 50p, thanks. But we'd definitely buy these ones off eBay for a quid or two...

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So it seems the UK Treasury is going to mint a specially designed ‘commemorative Brexit 50p coin’.

No, we’re not making it up. (You couldn’t, really.)

As far as we can tell, it’s not a parody either. They’re really doing this.

To be honest, you have to admire their chutzpah, if not the production values put into producing that lovely little video. (Oh, and what’s that quote actually about – highlighting the things the UK won’t have any of after 29 March 2019?)

Besides, if there’s anything worth commemorating about modern-day Britain, it’s not Brexit. It’s the Premier League – and maybe on a good day the Scottish Premiership.

So, using the same high-powered graphics machine – ie Microsoft Paint – as HM Treasury, we came up with five top-quality designs featuring quotes we’re certain would pique public interest. Ladies and gentlemen, here they are:

Kevin Keegan – “I will love it…”

Oft-misquoted, this one.

Still, what finer metaphor for Brexit can there be than a fiery wee Keggy shouting defiantly into a camera before eventually capitulating to a much stronger opponent?

Richard Keys – “It was just…”

We’re still not entirely convinced that this whole leaving-the-EU thing isn’t just a gigantic piece of banter on the part of Bozza Johnson, Big Nige F and their chinless-wonder cronies.

Even if they’re serious about it, the Keysian defence offers an easy way out. Who knows, in a few months we might see Theresa May, or whoever is Prime Minister at that point, furiously mugging and shouting down the phone at Michel Barnier: “It was just banter! Please for the love of god let us stay!”

Mario Balotelli – “Finally…”

No, this isn’t a quote from David Cameron.

Here’s a reminder:

Wayne Rooney – “Hi Rio…”

To be fair, unlike Victor ‘Can You Tweet Something Like’ Anichebe, at least we know Rooney takes care of his own Twitter account – or he did back then, anyway.

The same man gave us other classics such as:

We’re only going for the first example as it displays the collaborative spirit that will be necessary in order to get the UK through a post-Brexit world. Actually, wait, hasn’t Rooney already emigrated?

Alan Pardew – “Shut your noise…”

Beautiful.

Just beautiful.

A powerful, sleek British alpha-male telling a pesky foreigner where to go. Perfect for commemoration, really.

The UK to apply to rejoin the EU by 2027 is 5/6 on paddypower.com