Full Tweet W*nkers: Castles in dreamland, Baker demands United refunds

Plus spurious ellipses from an old favourite...


Unusually, this week’s FTW contains no entries from its most dominant figure, Piers Morgan, who spent the weekend banging on about playing golf – which, to be perfectly honest, may be the most heinous of a long list of Morgan misdemeanours – rather than, well, being his usual self. Sort it out, Piers, we need you doing you.

But hey-ho, there’s still the regular cast of characters to visit on our rounds.

First up it’s one of FTW’s most consistent performers:

Ah, “gang of millionaires” is it?

No-one could ever say Danny Baker was ever overpaid for his contribution to society, of course.

Thankfully for FTW, it doesn’t appear that Baker is going to tire of churning out facile, proper football man-isms any time soon:

Super stuff from Baker, really. A beautifully executed “give refunds to supporters” quip (but who’d bet against the same man subsequently holding forth about fans not being customers?). Oh, and presumably he’d be happy to extend the same courtesy if any of the punters at his upcoming shows were to demand their money back.

Anyway, the same match proved to be a bit of a nightmare for another previous FTW entrant.

Like many many others, with Man United two goals down at home to Newcastle, poor old Miggy shot his bolt a touch early:

Ouch. Guess that’s what happens when you constantly leap to conclusions based on which way the wind is blowing at any given moment.

Still, to be fair to Miguel, he fronted up shortly afterwards.

Respect. If only others displayed such an ability to be self-aware.

On which topic, we couldn’t help but notice the below exchange in the replies to Miguel’s mea culpa:

Far be it from us to resort to acronyms, but, well, LOL. With this fairly major burn on Big Dunc, Delaney has gone up massively in our estimations. Consider yourself in our good books as of now, Miguel.

Oh, and speak of the devil:

Seriously, this guy is dug in so deep. There’s just no way out of the hole he has so gleefully bored into the damp earthy surface of football journalism.

Castle’s tweets are now so laden with the palpable fear with which he is clearly stricken as a result of having hitched his wagon to a Mourinho horse intent on charging over a cliff, that we almost feel sorry for him. He just can’t let it go, even when he’s watching a match not involving his own personal Jesus. Still, what a weekend for Duncan, with Mou leading his side to a dramatic victory and United’s closest rivals playing out a dull stalemate.

Finally, over to a man whose unusual penchant for spurious ellipses is becoming a familiar sight to the FTW faithful:

Another one straight out of the Can You Believe How Much These Guys Are Earning handbook.

What is it about middle-aged British radio presenters that makes them so obsessed with the salaries of much younger, more handsome, more physically gifted and mostly foreign men with whom they have essentially nothing in common and who have no interest in or respect for them whatsoever?


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