David Beckham was never known for his pace put he got away with it because of his technical prowess and dedication. In an ironic reversal of circumstance, the boy wonder has now been caught speeding in Paddington but has escaped prosecution due to a technicality.
This is mainly down to the help of one Nick Freeman – a man nicknamed ‘Mr Loophole’ – who has helped countless celebrities get out of sticky situations due to his knack of finding technicalities to exploit in legal situations.
He can boast clients such as Van Morrison, Ian Brown, Jimmy Carr and Jeremy Clarkson. And you’d have to say – anyone who can get Clarkson off with speeding is a marvel.
But it got us thinking – when else would Mr. Loophole have come in handy for ‘Goldenballs’ in the past?
Seeing red in France
The scene is set – Saint-Etienne. David Beckham is lying on the ground and appears to kick out at Diego Simeone. You’d have to wonder if he’d do the same again in retrospect, given how much of a looper we know now the Atleti boss to be.
But before the Danish official could issue Becks with his marching orders, Freeman runs onto the pitch to speak to Mr. Nielsen. He quickly explains that the winger was simply experiencing a hypnic jerk.
You know that weird experience when you’re half asleep, but your leg kicks and you wake up? Well, Beckham had been temporarily knocked into a semi-conscious state before his leg reacted out of his control.
Football isn’t coming home, but it would have in 1998 if Freeman was on the case.
Loos acts with Rebecca
Remember when marketing determined how much you exercised? Well, before that, there was a myth established that you needed to have prescribed amounts of food to maintain a balanced diet.
The phrase ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’ isn’t meant to be abbreviated, certainly not for international icons. Life’s all about balance. You can consistently spice up your life at home, but sometimes you just have to let Loos.
And Dave did during his time in Spain.
Whatever work that marriage counsellor did, Mr. Freeman’s powers of persuasion could have resolved any marital impasse in half the time and for modest fee. He might’ve even kept it out of the papers too.
Fergie gives him the boot
Taking some time away from legality and marriage counselling, Freeman also briefly dipped into PR.
Yes, David Beckham emerged from a Manchester United dressing room with stitches above his eye and the rumours were rife that Alex Ferguson has kicked a boot at his head, resulting in a brawl.
But that’s merely a misunderstanding.
What actually happened was that the signing of the trendy Rio Ferdinand only a couple of months previously had put pressure on Becks to maintain his reputation as the most stylish bloke in the squad.
He went to his mentor Sir Alex Ferguson who lovingly aided him in piercing his eyebrow before it all went wrong.
The resulting brawl was merely a bear hug that got a bit too rowdy. For years, the media have overhyped it and they’re still best mates that meet up every now and then and get obscure piercings to celebrate.
Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. Freeman.
Sarong place, sarong time
Mr Loophole’s a PR guru and a brilliant liar – not a magician. You’re on your own here, Becks.