Newcastle United fans are still trying to get rid of Mike Ashley, so we’ve come up with some slightly less conventional ways to get the message across.
It seems that Mike Ashley isn’t one to take a hint. Short of wearing a Sunderland shirt to games, he couldn’t wind the fans up more, but despite attempting to sell he’s sticking around longer than a sale at Sports Direct.
With Newcastle fans preparing to protest once more before the game with Arsenal, here are a few juicy ideas for finally getting rid of the big man.
Sack the boards
All clubs are desperate to sell sponsorships and if there’s one thing Mike Ashley loves it’s cold, hard cash in his pocket.
So if a big Russian company decided to buy up advertising board space, they probably wouldn’t get asked too many questions until someone worked out that their Cyrillic lettering spells ‘Ashley Out’.
On a similar note, why not create endless numbers of fake syndicates who register their interest in buying the club for a vastly inflated sum?
Mike Ashley’s diary is full of meetings with business tycoons from all over the world who look set to shake hands before suddenly having some pretty emphatic second thoughts in a broad Geordie accent halfway through signing the paperwork.
Howay the Town
Boycotts have been discussed ad nauseam, but as yet nobody has suggested fans getting their Newcastle fix elsewhere, namely by watching Newcastle Town in the Northern Premier League Division One West.
Okay, there is a slight problem, Newcastle Town are based in Newcastle-under-Lyme rather than Newcastle-upon-Tyne, but in a way wouldn’t that make the whole thing even more effective when the whole Toon Army pitches up to watch the game against Radcliffe FC?
Think of the positives, no money goes into Ashley’s pocket, you get a nice day out and you get to see a Newcastle team who might actually win.
The writing’s in the sky
Sky-writing planes have become cliché in the world of fan protests. While Arsene Wenger was at Arsenal there were so many of them that the club had to build an air-traffic control tower at the Emirates.
Instead, why not try a leaflet drop, like South Korea does in North Korea?
A plane goes overhead and dumps 10,000 flyers explaining Ashley’s crimes against Newcastle United onto the pitch just as Alexandre Lacazette goes through on goal.
To be honest you wouldn’t need to edit the Kim Jong-Un leaflets that much either for them to work for Mike Ashley.
A piece of the pie
They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but when it comes to Mike Ashley it’s best served as a warm pie.
The plan is simple. Create an incredibly delicious pie and hand it out to everyone at Newcastle games. Everyone but Mike Ashley.
Make sure the smells waft into the directors’ box and then deliver your ultimatum – as soon as Ashley leaves the club he can have one.
Either that or leave a trail of the pies leading out of Newcastle and stopping outside the Stadium of Light.
Ashley Out: The Musical
There’s no lack of anti-Ashley chants, so why not take things to the next level and create a Mike Ashley Out musical?
With a few casting calls and the addition of a creditable director, you’ve got yourself a stage show that can wow the critics with its emotional tale of the dangers of greed and poor results against teams like Watford.
There’d be no shortage of punters willing to come and watch it in Newcastle that’s for sure.