If there’s one thing the world doesn’t lack, it’s racist idiots – and sporting goods giants Nike have done some tremendous work in smoking out a wheezing, frothing gang of them on the internet.
How? They’ve chosen former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick to front their new advertising campaign. Unless you’ve been living in a ditch for two years, you’ll probably know Kaepernick as the man who led the way in ‘taking the knee’ – the defiant stance during the pre-match national anthem aimed at protesting against racial injustice in the US.
Other NFL stars as well as sporting figures beyond the world of gridiron took up Kaepernick’s mantle and joined in the protests – enraging Donald Trump, which is never a bad thing.
— Colin Kaepernick (@Kaepernick7) September 3, 2018
Now I’ve always had a soft spot for Nike – I grew up near to their factory in Washington, Tyne and Wear, and a kid at school reckoned he knew a secret tunnel into it where he could get in and nick trainers that he’d sell us for half price. I don’t remember him ever coming good on the promise though.
Added to that, my first ever pair of non-supermarket trainers were Nike Bongo – I’m not making this up, you can go and Google it if you like. So, all in all, I’m pro-Nike and I’m pro-Kaepernick.
That puts me firmly on the opposing side of the knuckle-dragging goons who have indulged in baby tantrums with Nike on social media after the new ads were revealed. We’ve seen videos of f***wits setting fire to assorted Nike-branded items while foaming at the mouth and wanging on about freedom, the sanctity of the American flag and loads of other guff and bluff that is nothing more than a thinly veiled admission that they’re fine with endemic racism in their homeland and that people of colour should shut their mouths and accept their lot.
— John Rich (@johnrich) September 3, 2018
One of these angry dickheads, Phil Braun, tweeted a photo from hospital, where he’d ended up after setting his trainers alight while still wearing them. Good.*
If these clowns want to demonstrate their rage even further, I’ve got a few other suggestions for them…
ERADICATE ALL TICKS
Ticks, swooshes, whatever those things on the side of your charred Nike trainers are, remove them from every aspect of your life. If that means you can’t tick any boxes next time you fill in your KKK membership renewal form, then so be it – you’ll have to put a cross in the box instead.
Actually, as it’s the KKK, they’re probably more into crosses than ticks anyway….
JUST *DON’T* DO IT
Nike’s globally-famous slogan is ‘Just Do It’ – if these racist pigs are truly devoted to boycotting all things Nike, surely the logical conclusion is to not do it. Or anything. At all. Including not setting fire to your f***ing trainers. Glad that’s sorted.
Just like the NFL, whose ratings have gone WAY DOWN, Nike is getting absolutely killed with anger and boycotts. I wonder if they had any idea that it would be this way? As far as the NFL is concerned, I just find it hard to watch, and always will, until they stand for the FLAG!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 5, 2018
TAKE THE KNEE… OUT
Instead of inflicting third degree burns on yourself because of a f***ing ADVERT that you object to a bit, deploy some wit and take the knee out of your Nike jogging pants instead. That way we can all easily tell who the mouth-breathing racist scum are.
RAID THE NIKE FACTORY
There’s a secret tunnel at the Washington factory – if you’re so livid about the Kaepernick ad, get yourself in, clear them out completely and eat away at their profits. Maybe even set your ill-gotten gains on fire if you have to. But if you do, get me a pair of Bongos while you’re in there please. Size eight. Cheers.
*Okay, so he was a cheeky faker – but if he’d been legit, you wouldn’t have batted an eyelid, would you?