You’ve probably already sent a horde of jokes about Daniel Sturridge ‘round your WhatsApp groups thinking you’re hilarious.
Probably something witty about him and the NHS, or him having more knocks than your door at Christmas. Truth be told, you’re not funny and Daniel Sturridge is probably better than you at life.
Yes, this is another major setback in his career, but here’s three reasons why nobody should be giving up on the Brummie just yet.
He’s A Bloody Good Footballer
Consider this: Robbie Fowler notched just over a goal every two games. He’s one of the most decorated strikers in Premier League history and rightly so.
Longevity or not, Sturridge banged in 48 in 98 games – just two matches shy of a goal every second game. He was largely playing in a side that spread goals around and had to contend with one of the best players to ever play for the Reds – Luis Suarez.
As Liverpool fans are well aware of, those kinds of players aren’t exactly commonplace and should be given ample time to rediscover a run of form – or, in this case – a run of health.
This move to West Brom was the ideal stepping stone for the 28-year-old; he just happened to trip on it and fall to the ground. And look, Baggies – you’ve netted just twenty-one times this year. You’re hardly holding all the cards here.
Only Swansea have scored on less occasions than you, and should Sturridge ever rediscover the form we all know he’s capable of, then he’d probably notch twenty by himself.
? Alright then…
— West Bromwich Albion (@WBA) January 29, 2018
Once you establish that Harry Kane may actually be the best centre forward on the planet, and Jamie Vardy’s a very capable backup, you’ve to really dig to find positive alternatives in the England setup.
The latter is capable of hosting an all-night bender at any stage of the World Cup, inadvertently ruling himself out – and if Gareth Southgate wanted to play two up top, he’s left with the following options:
Jermaine Defoe – his career is winding down at thirty-five and he’s only netting a goal every handful of appearances for Bournemouth now. While Defoe’s of the same ilk as Kevin Phillips in that all they’re programmed to do is score goals – he’s drying up.
Danny Welbeck – he’s not really a striker and may not actually be a footballer. He’s transcended the sport and become a meme, therefore declaring anything he does on an actual football pitch as irrelevant.
Marcus Rashford – he’s a winger – get over it.
Tammy Abraham – Too young and inexperienced in high-pressure situations to handle an inevitable World Cup failure.
Dominic Solanke – see Tammy Abraham.
He Dances Like Yer Da
Sturridge has something that most footballers don’t seem to have anymore, and that’s a willingness to completely embarrass themselves for no good reason.
We’re all familiar with his dance moves, and apart from Peter Crouch doing the robot like the thick bloke in The Inbetweeners, England games are effectively a non-event without his disco jives.
It may also be the only thing odd enough to intimidate the Russian mobs in the summer.
This stretches to the Premier League, too. If they’re ever to catch up with the NFL in terms of celebrations, Sturridge should be the one to organise the rehearsals.
A funk ambassador of sorts. Go forth, Daniel – go forth and wave those arms.