Andy Dawson’s ten things, including justice being served in the Liverpool penalty box

Atom & Humber, Jon Moss, microphones and Guus Hiddink feature prominently in the Profanity Swan's weekend recap...

JUSTICE WAS DONE IN THE LIVERPOOL PENALTY BOX

Since 6pm yesterday, there’s been an industrial bin-load of waaaah waaaah waaaah and bleh bleh bleh over the penalty decisions at Anfield. It’s very simple – both decisions were correct.

Admittedly, Harry Kane was offside for the first one, but as referee Jon Moss didn’t seem particularly arsed about that, the decision was spot on to award a penalty after the sloppy challenge from Loris Karius – and Kane missed it anyway so shut up.

The second one? Well Virgil van Dijk booted Erik Lamela in the back of the leg so that’s that. Again, shut up.

JON MOSS COULD BE IN A WHOLE HEAP OF BOTHER

The above certainty about the decisions not withstanding, referee Moss could have landed himself in some serious trouble after Sky’s cameras picked up his conversation with his assistant Ed Smart before the Kane penalty was awarded. Smart said he didn’t know if Lovren had played the ball but if he hadn’t, Kane was offside and therefore it wasn’t a penalty.

Moss then said that HE also didn’t know if Lovren had touched the ball… and then awarded the penalty anyway. Essentially, he took a guess. This probably isn’t going to go away in a hurry.

Just award it anyway over at paddypower.com, where you’ll find the latest Premier League odds

NEVER MIND VAR – JUST MIC UP THE OFFICIALS

Admit it – those few seconds where we could hear Jon Moss and Ed Smart in conversation about the decision were up there in terms of excitement with everything else in Liverpool v Tottenham yesterday, including Wanyama’s obscene screamer of an equaliser.

Letting us hear the officials as in rugby union would instantly eradicate the constant harassment they get from players, who would shut up if they thought their tedious appeals for decisions and constant whinging would be heard by everyone.

LET’S NOT FORGET THAT KLOPP IS STILL UNDERACHIEVING

It’s hard to imagine how any Liverpool fan could be happy with the fact that with ten minutes to go, and your team 1-0 up at home, the situation changed so that you could conceivably have conceded THREE goals by the time the final whistle blew, regardless of whether or not the referee lost his mind.

The swashbuckling style of Klopp’s Liverpool might be exciting for some fans, but they needn’t think that it’s the route to major trophies. One day we’ll all look back at the Klopp era and wonder how it ever lasted as long as it did.

THE BOTTOM OF THE PREMIER LEAGUE IS BETTER THAN THE TOP

The ‘race for fourth-place’ is not and never will be a thing, but relegation – now that’s some serious drama. With a dozen fixtures left, there’s just three points between 11th and 19th places. PLEASE keep this up, because I want to see the relegation positions change hands five or six times on the final Sunday of the season, with nothing resolved until stoppage time.

PLEASE. I’ve got nothing else in my life.

PEP’S SIX SUB TRICK WAS A STINKER

My eyes almost rolled out of my head and down the street when Guardiola said he didn’t have enough players to fill his bench at Burnley. He could have pulled someone out of the crowd and put them in the empty seat and it would have made him look better than the surly ‘woe is me’ six subs bollocks he came out with.

Was Burnley’s late equaliser karma in action? I’m going with ‘yes’.

IT WAS A GREAT DAY FOR ALEXIS SANCHEZ’S DOGS

Assuming they can read, that is. Otherwise, a new low for football and humanity.

IT WAS A GREAT DAY FOR LUKAKU

Yes! Another goal for the Manchester United striking machine, and one in the eye for those who say he can’t do it against the big clubs. No, sorry, it was against Huddersfield and none of his 12 Premier League goals this season have been scored against any of the current top eight. Ah well.

GUUS HIDDINK IS PACKING A SUITCASE

Yes, it’s almost time for the Dutchman’s regular return to Stamford Bridge to oversee things, as it looks as though it could all be over soon for Antonio Conte, who seems to be begging to be sacked. Who knows what Chelsea could have achieved if they’d just left him to it from 2009 onwards.

WHY ARE WEST HAM FANS MOANING

I genuinely don’t get it. People keep talking about a crisis but the defeat at Brighton on Saturday was their first league loss in six and the Hammers are 7th in the league form table. Once again, I say… SHUT UP.

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