THE WEST HAM BOARDROOM NEEDS CHECKING FOR CARBON MONOXIDE
I mean, there HAS to be some kind of brain-addling noxious gas leaking into the corridors of power at the Olympic Stadium if they’re actually turning to David Moyes to keep them up.
As a Sunderland fan, I can categorically state that the Hammers will have more chance of avoiding the drop if they install the reanimated corpse of Walt Disney into the hot seat rather than Moyes.
But, if it’s dour negativity, uninspiring signings and blame-shifting that they’re after, Moyes is their man!
WEST HAM PROBABLY NEED SAM ALLARDYCE
What? I’m just saying…
ANDY CARROLL DOESN’T UNDERSTAND FOOTBALL FANS
With just one goal in his last 13 appearances for the hopelessly failing West Ham, you’d think Andy Carroll would keep his head down and not openly criticise the fans who fork out their hard-earned to keep his pony tail looking thick and lustrous. But sadly, he went there, having a pop at Hammers fans for walking out early as Liverpool went 4-1 in front on Saturday evening.
Fans give so much and have so little genuine power, so if they want to sack it off before the end, perhaps the likes of Carroll should look at the vast swathes of empty seats and get the message that’s being conveyed to them. That, or keep their mouths shut.
LIVERPOOL’S THIRD KIT IS RANCID
Yes, it has Halloween-esque pumpkin qualities but Christ, it’s an ordeal for the eyes. When Liverpool were breaking quickly against West Ham (and it was happening A LOT) it looked like a bunch of goalkeepers running up the pitch to join the attack for a last minute corner.
Not sure what's more toxic – Liverpool's away kit, or West Ham's defending.
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) November 4, 2017
WENGER IS TROLLING ARSENAL
It could be argued that the Arsenal manager was replaced by a scheming evil doppelganger at some point in the past few years. His latest slyly belligerent move came yesterday, when he demoted record signing and top scorer Alexandre Lacazette to the bench and gave want-away moany-chops Alexis Sanchez a start instead.
You don’t need me to tell you which one scored Arsenal’s consolation goal and which one played like a man with rice pudding in his boots.
Why do you do this, Arsene? Why?
SANCHEZ AND OZIL SHOULD BE DUMPED ASAP
By going against received tradition and letting Sanchez and Ozil’s contracts run down, Wenger has been able to prove everyone right who said it would be a dick move. So thanks for that.
Meanwhile, Arsenal are carrying two players who can’t be arsed and they’ll either wave goodbye to them for nothing in the summer or sell them for a fraction of their value in January and be unable to satisfactorily replace them because that’s how January works.
Why do you do this, Arsene? Why?
HANDSHAKES ARE IMPORTANT
Or at least they are if you buy into all the fuss over the non-contact between Mourinho and Conte after yesterday’s match. Ever get the feeling that there’s too much football coverage…?
— Mundial Magazine (@MundialMag) November 5, 2017
FAT LADS ARE WINNERS
The only thing missing from Everton’s rousing comeback against Watford was David Unsworth pulling a Wayne Shaw and stuffing a pie into his face at the end while staring down the nearest camera and mouthing ‘Screw you, Joey Barton’ into it as lumps of meat and pastry spattered everywhere.
SWANSEA ARE DOOMED
Paul Clement strikes me as one of those blokes who is better at sitting in interviews for football manager jobs than he is at actually doing the managing. What’s his secret – spreadsheets?
A PowerPoint display including an extendable pointing stick? Hypnosis?
The truth is that he’s the latest in a long line of bad decisions by the Swansea board and their time in the Premier League might well be up soon. Unless they rope in Sam Allardyce of course…
SUNDERLAND ARE ON THE UP
During yesterday’s 1-0 defeat at Middlesbrough (a match that seemed to last for five hours), the Black Cats looked to be only a bit shit compared to recent weeks when they’ve been complete and utter shit. Definitely something for the new manager to work with there then!