Four reasons Ireland won’t fear the Danes on the road to Russia

The draw has been made…

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Right. Get your Ma to iron your favourite jeans, dig out your Italia ’90 home kit and get ready for a dip in Lake Baikal – the Boys in Green are off to Russia!

Yes, we’re aware that Denmark stand in the way, but sitting through a Corrie omnibus is a sterner test than that lot.

Here’s why we’re so confident there’ll be cans of Harp rattling around the Red Square in June.

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Nicklas Bendtner

We’re not suggesting that Nicklas Bendnter didn’t shine during that bizarre loan spell at Birmingham, but we’re definitely saying he was kept quiet by Dundalk in their Champions League qualifier.

Given that Shane Duffy could break the outer wall of Fort Knox open with his head, we’re confident that dear Nick won’t be causing us too much hassle. As much as we love Lord Bendnter in Power Tower!

Yeah, Christian Eriksen is world class, but he has to play Damien Delaney’s Crystal Palace yet. Not that we’re tempting fate or anything..

Undercover Tom

We sh*t you not, there’s a Danish international named Thomas Delaney. He sounds like a young lad that spent his evenings in Birr, County Offaly lurking around Supermacs in Air Max.

His great grandfather fled Ireland during the famine and set Martin O’Neill’s masterplan in motion.

Some people suggest that O’Neill is actually a lucky manager – but we’d argue if you go to these levels of preparation, you make your own luck.

Danish double agent Thomas will come in handy in Copenhagen, before a blissful reunion in Dublin where reveals his Wes Hoolahan tattoo in front of a bewildered away support.

Aarhus – in the middle of our street

The last time these sides faced each other, Ireland trounced them by four goals to nil. That friendly took place in Aarhus in 2007 – and no, we don’t care that it was a decade ago. Darren Potter played that day. Darren bloody Potter!

Danny Agger was anchoring the backline for the Danes that day. He was never regarded as a superb footballer, but given the defensive form Liverpool have been in since he left, he now looks like Franz Beckenbauer in retrospect.

Copenhaven

Kazakhstan, Armenia, Romania, Montenegro and Poland. It looks like the losing semi-finalists of the Eurovision, but no – it was the group that Denmark finished second in.

Quite how you only manage to win six of those games, we’re not sure – but Denmark conceded twelve times in that group, while Ireland conceded only half that amount.

Age Hareide’s men also failed to beat Montenegro and Romania at home – as well as scraping past Armenia. Come on, lads – if you can’t beat that, you don’t deserve a Russian vodka-induced blackout on the Trans-Siberian express.

Hamlet, your boys are taking one hell of a beating.

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