Five convincing reasons to buy Newcastle United FC

St James Holdings are delighted to present an exciting investment opportunity for a prestige buyer – perhaps from the Middle or Far East – seeking an entry-level route into the lucrative British market.

The portfolio on offer is an attractive business package and includes, among other things, prime real estate in one of the UK’s most desirable metropolitan areas.

The tropical climate of the region, allied with a firm and conscientious commitment to multilateral progress on behalf of the current owner, make NEWCASTLE UNITED FC a perfect investment for bored nouveau riche profligates with nothing else on which to spend their easy-earned cash.

If you need any more convincing, here are some great reasons to Buy Now, Before You Miss Out.*

*And don’t forget: you can also get a FREE MUG if you purchase online via SportsDirect.com!

Strong tradition of headshands-on management

At Newcastle United, we believe in the importance of leading by example.

As a result, we aim to develop project managers who aren’t afraid of getting their hands dirty and mixing it on the same level as the club’s everyday employees:

Powerful focus on creating and nurturing a strong team spirit

Newcastle United believe that morale is vital to the development of any business, and have a proven track record of fostering close interpersonal relationships between staff.

For our HR department, harmony is everything.

Close working relationship with the police force

The rule of law is vital to the smooth running of any major business, and Newcastle United and its customers are pleased to enjoy a tight bond with the fuzz:

Meticulous and scrupulous recruitment policy

At Newcastle, nothing gets past our hard-working, conscientious recruiters. Attention-to-detail is a key phrase throughout our organisation:

Deep sense of respect for our customer base

At Newcastle United, the customer is always right, as this clipping illustrates:

Don’t pass up this great chance to get your hands on one of the UK’s most efficiently run businesses. BUY NOW!