Weird this, but England away to Malta last night was probably the only game I can remember that actually lived up to expectations – we all expected it to be utter shite, and it absolutely delivered on every front possible! Shit passing, shit shooting, shit tackling, shit tactics, shit touches. Even Ryan Bertrand’s exceptionally beautiful eyes looked shit in Malta.
I mean, who in their right mind calls Jake Livermore up to an England squad and actually starts him?? Surely that young lad who absolutely minced Jack Wilshere should be ahead of him in the pecking order.
Anyway, there’s a saying in football that ‘goals change games’. Well that’s absolute bo**ox because when Harry Kane scored (followed by Welbeck, Bertrand and Kane again), the game was still as crap as it was before any goals. I’ll tell you what changes games: pitch invaders.
How he managed to sit and watch an hour of the match we’ll never know but England fan, Jake Peachey, was the saving grace to fans at the match and on the telly. The ballsy football nut promised to invade the pitch if he got 400 retweets. Cue the responses from the mind-numbingly bored fans.
400 retweets and I'll pitch invade the Malta V England game😂 #MalEng pic.twitter.com/lKP89I4uUX
— Jake (@JTPeachey) September 1, 2017
69th minute pitch invasion watch for it😂 Malta V England #MalEng
— Jake (@JTPeachey) September 1, 2017
Some people thought Peachey was full of tripe and called him out:
https://twitter.com/SouthamptonJosh/status/903702111401246720
He won't do it. Talking shite just wanting retweets
— Rob Davies (@RobDavies_7) September 1, 2017
Come on then we're still waiting?!!!! 🤣🤣🤣😜
— Moffadona 👁 (@moffadona10) September 1, 2017
But Peachey was true to his word. He managed to scale a pretty steep fence before evading a team of security guards and running on to the pitch to huge cheers from the travelling English fans. He even managed a quick cuddle with Marcus Rashford, who in fairness deserved it, for being the only player on the pitch who was semi-decent.
#MALENG Pitch Invader 😂😂👏 pic.twitter.com/7hBHEhEqyO
— Rob☄TheGamingGuy (@TheGamer10) September 1, 2017
Highlight of the England game😂😂😂 #MALENG #England #WCQualifiers @JTPeachey pic.twitter.com/7T4G6aZ92E
— Cozzy Matt (@cozzy_matt) September 2, 2017
Fans were well impressed, taking to Twitter to thank and applaud him for giving them at least some bit of on-pitch entertainment during the 90 mins.
What a legend 👌🏻
— Tom smith (@tommy69000) September 1, 2017
🙏amen to that brother, livened things up 💯
— Andrew McEwan (@drewmcewan) September 1, 2017
https://twitter.com/happybeingblue/status/903713817242296320
The greatest Englishman to ever step foot on a football pitch.
— Charles Allen Lechmere (@EccOvOwl) September 1, 2017
Highlight of the night fella, well done. 👏👏👏
— dave lufc (@ShipleyWhites) September 1, 2017
Bloody hero…you went out wider than Sterling even did…lol
— peter mann (@peter_mann43) September 1, 2017
Did more running down the right than Ox did all game.
— Danny 🏴 (@Dannyhaslam) September 1, 2017
Bit of an extreme way to never see an England game again! Although witnessing that garbage live may drive anyone to do it.
— ShrewsGav (@shrewsgav) September 1, 2017
Bravo mate bravo
— Adam Davies (@AdamRDavies) September 1, 2017
And if you’re wondering what happened to poor auld Peachey after his on field escapades, he posted an update this morning. Safe home Peachey.
Head over to PaddyPower.com to find all our latest football betting200 Euro fine, probably a life time ban, a night in lockup and a 1 year ban from Malta! Oh well it was worth it😂 #MalEng
— Jake (@JTPeachey) September 2, 2017