Ok, so Alexis Sanchez has scored a lot of goals for Arsenal. And made a lot of assists. And been their best player by a country mile for most of the last three years.
But he’s not all that. In fact, one might go so far as to say he’s as vastly overrated as a trip to the Giant’s Causeway.
I mean, have the Gunners won the Premier League while he’s been there?
Have they won the Champions League, the World Cup or even Serie A lately?
No. Those pitiful failures are almost entirely down to the poor attitude and disruptive behaviour of Arsenal’s angry little Chilean buzzsaw-forward.
Nothing at all to do with the culture of insouciant mismanagement that has permeated the club at every stratum from board-level downwards, or the abominable player recruitment policy, or the constant outpouring of hatred from the stands.
Quite simply, had they gotten rid of Alexis Sanchez a year ago and persevered with a combination of Yaya Sanogo and Park Chu-young up top, things could have been so different.
So, yes, it’s time for him to go. Here are some convincing and irrefutable reasons why.
Stan Kroenke needs the extra cash to build an open-air ice-hockey stadium in the Mojave desert
Rumour has it that Silent Stan is looking for a showpiece franchise for his ever-expanding portfolio of underachieving, frugally managed sports teams. And in the barren, sun-baked expanse of the Mojave, he thinks he’s identified an opportunity.
“What better way to bring some joy into the hearts of this great desert’s inhabitants than allowing them to sit in an uncovered bowl and watch however many players are on a hockey team wade about on a rink that is slowly melting into the sand,” Kroenke is believed to have said.
“That way, not only am I providing top-class sporting entertainment but contributing to ongoing irrigation and cultivation efforts in the region.”
Raheem Sterling will make a great left wing-back
As part of Man City’s bid for Alexis, Arsenal are believed to have requested ‘Old Scuffyshots’ Sterling as a part-exchange.
At first, we found this puzzling until we remembered Arsenal’s traditional policy of purchasing pacy, agile forwards who can’t cross or finish in order to convert them into positionally suspect wing-backs. Sterling fits this ideal perfectly, and he would clearly stroll into Arsène Wenger’s starting eleven as an attack-minded wing-back, or perhaps even a left-sided centre-half.
He’s also young and English, meaning that many years will pass until everyone eventually realises he will never fulfil the potential attributed to him in his early twenties.
All things considered, this swap just makes total sense.
How is Joel Campbell supposed to develop into the future Ballon d’Or winner we all know he is if Alexis is keeping him out of the side?
The Costa Rican winger has been cruelly starved of first-team opportunities, and it’s all down to Alexis. Were it not for the fact that the Chilean is selfishly hogging a starting berth, we would now be talking about Joel as one of the world’s finest attacking players.
It’s time for Sanchez to step aside and give real talent its head.
Campbell is more than capable of returning Arsenal to their rightful place in European football: being eliminated in the first knockout round of the Champions League.
How are they to achieve this ambition if they persist in sidelining him?
Arsenal have better options in their squad
Like Olivier Giroud:
He just looks so sad all the time
Some of you out there will feel that having a bank account constantly replenished with thousands of pounds worth of wages and bonuses is enough to keep a man happy. You might even believe that being in the privileged position to play Premier League football every week (or at least on the weeks you’re not feigning illness to get out of playing Premier League football) should lead to a certain sense of contentment.
But you’re wrong. Because for true winners like Alexis it’s all about, well, winning. Which, aside from the occasional Emirates Cup or Rumbelows Charity Trophy is not something he’ll be doing much of at Arsenal.
As a result, Sanchez is a man quite visibly brought low by the bareness of his own personal medal-cabinet. Really, Arsène Wenger should just do the right thing and let him go somewhere he might end getting his hands on a meaningful piece of silverware.