Have you heard the one about the Russian oligarch and his three divorces? Chelsea fans have.
Billionaire owner Roman Abramovich is set to split from his third wife after she tolerated him for nine whole years.
But will this civil matter clog the oil pipes funding the Premier League champions?
The south London outfit have had many ups and downs since the Saratov native took control. Given this latest turn of events in the love life of dear Roman, presumably more ups and downs than he’s had in the last while.
We’re sure Dasha Zhukova is a lovely woman. Truth be told though, we’re just not interested in her. Unless of course she’d like to sponsor our inter-firm five-a-side team. The real issue here is Antonio Conte’s transfer kitty.
Chelsea boss Antonio Conte wants to spend £200m on five players.
— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) August 19, 2017
This horse has course form though, don’t be fooled. He married Olga Lysova thirty years ago.
That was back when Chelsea were a football club, not a hotel extension.
They divorced three years later. He then married Irina Malandina – a name you could say repeatedly and not get bored of.
That went tits up in 2007, before big Roman and Miss Zhukova tied the knot shortly afterwards. It’s fair to say he’s had more than a Dasha separation in his life to date.
Forbes list Abramovich’s fortune at a cool £7 billion. Sounds like a lot until you realise that’s literally thirty-one-and-a-half Neymars.
The modern world has genuinely left us with an equation: A life full of everything you could possibly want, devoid of monetary issues is equal to a squad full of badly-groomed twenty-five-year-old Brazilians.
The billionaire has seven children who have all presumably got expensive taste. Whether that takes prominence over midfield reinforcements is yet to be seen – but it is a daunting prospect.
Chelsea have spent a mere £130,000,000 this summer. Pocket change, that. What’s startling, though, is that they’ve gotten rid of twelve players.
They’ve nabbed north of £100,000,000 for those players. Every side has years where their net spend is down considerably, but as Alex Ferguson repeatedly mentioned when he won everything around him for far too long – you must strengthen when you’re on top.
Conte is crying out for reinforcements that they badly need. Their squad is small in comparison. Their first team just shipped three goals to Burnley.
With no sign of a major squad boost, Chelsea may be finding out that love is a dangerous game.
Things are grim. But given the rate the fifty-year-old goes through marriages, he’ll have two more divorces by April, and Chelsea will be conceding three to Bristol City next year and separating from Antonio Conte.