After a short and not particularly sweet ten days spent lapping up Sean Spicer’s sloppy seconds as White House Communications Director, it appears that Anthony Scaramucci has done the fandango and pissed off to resume doing what he does best: exploiting the world’s poor from an office in Wall Street.
“The Mooch”, as he apparently likes to be known, hasn’t had a great time of it lately, with his second wife having presented him with his second set of divorce papers earlier in July.
But it’s not all bad for a man for whom the word “douchebag” could well have been invented.
He has, over the past week or so, earned worldwide fame, something which you feel he has craved for his entire life. Unfortunately, his newfound renown may be as a permatanned figure of ridicule, a smarmy, coiffured representation of the thing the Trump regime stands for above all else: corporate incompetence.
Still, you get the impression that Scaramucci is the type of person who never really understands that the joke is on them. And, so impressed were we with the fleeting nature of his reign that we were moved to compile a list of football managers who have, somehow, managed to outdo him.
Dave Bassett – 4 days, Crystal Palace, 1984
Bassett earned his reputation in the 1980s with an outstanding spell in charge of Wimbledon, whom he took from fourth tier to first tier in just five years. But it all could have been so different.
In 1984, with the Dons just having won promotion to the Second Division, Bassett opted to jump ship to nearby Crystal Palace. Four days later, he performed a u-turn with all the alacrity of a Conservative Prime Minister reversing a policy decision and returned to Wimbledon.
Bassett, it seemed, believed he had “unfinished business” there. It turned out to be the right choice, and just over a year after his flirtation with the Eagles, he and his club were flying high in the First Division.
Leroy Rosenior – 10 minutes, Torquay, 2007
In truth, Rosenior’s second “spell” in charge of Torquay United makes the poor old Mooch look an absolute amateur when it comes to short-lived appointments.
Rosenior had previously managed the Gulls for a number of seasons and had led his side to promotion to League One before departing by mutual consent in 2006. Yet, around a year later, when the call came from Torquay once again, he answered.
Unfortunately, he lasted about ten minutes in the job.
Yes, really. It turned out that a local consortium had – literally – taken over just minutes after he signed his contract.
In around the time it takes to hold a meeting with a Russian diplomat, Rosenior was gone.
Marcelo Bielsa – 2 days, Lazio, 2016
One of the most iconic coaches of this millennium, and an inspiration for countless managers including Pep Guardiola and Jorge Sampaoli. A football hipster’s wet dream.
So when it was announced that El Loco would be taking over at Lazio in 2016, biancocelesti fans were understandably excited. Visions abounded in Rome of a thrilling attacking side taking it to Juve and challenging for the Serie A title; with Bielsa at the helm, Lazio would surely be one of the most attractive teams in Europe.
Except, it wasn’t meant to be. After the club failed to sign the reinforcements the Argentine had demanded, Bielsa walked away after just two days in the job.
Kevin Cullis – 7 days, Swansea, 1996
During the mid-1990s, Swansea City were going through a bit of a promiscuous phase when it came to managers. In an 18-month period, they notched up an impressive six different managers, one of whom was Kevin Cullis.
Alas for Kevin, he ended up caught in the middle of a power struggle between incoming chairman Michael Thompson and outgoing chairman Doug Sharpe. Cullis had wanted to bring on board Jan Molby as a player-coach, but Thompson objected.
As a result, Cullis resigned (or was sacked, we’re not really sure), while Thompson himself departed shortly after. Sharpe, seeing his chance, swooped in to take back control of the club.
His first act? To appoint Jan Molby as manager.
Martin Ling – 9 days, Cambridge United, 2009
George Rolls, ex-Cambridge United chairman, appears to be a man with whom it’s difficult to get along. In 2009, he appointed Martin Ling as manager of his club after the previous coach departed due to continued “disagreements with the board”.
Ling was able to hang on for a grand total of nine days before being moved to quit. Around a week after getting the job in the first place, Ling was gone, muttering something about “irreconcilable differences” with Rolls.
Billy McKinlay – 8 days, Watford, 2014
Let’s take you back to an era best described as Peak Pozzo.
Having taken control of Watford in 2012, the Pozzo family quickly earned a reputation for impatience. By October 2014, they’d already sacked Sean Dyche, Gianfranco Zola and Giuseppe Sannino, while Óscar García had left because of illness. Next on the chopping block was poor old Billy McKinlay.
The former Scotland international had been promoted from his job as first-team coach, despite only serving in that role for a matter of days under García.
He gave up his job as Northern Ireland assistant manager to take over at the Hornets, but the Watford role was very much easy-come, easy-go as, after just over a week as gaffer, he was turfed out by the Pozzos.
Sadly for McKinlay, things only got worse as he was soon offered a job as David Moyes’s assistant at Réal Sociedad.