If Carlsberg did perfect… no scrap that, if Newcastle Brown Ale did perfect weeks, then Dan Burn has just lived one.
Called up to the England squad for the first time in his career, coupled with a cup final goal and man of the match performance at Wembley fort his beloved Newcastle, helping his boyhood club deliver their first major trophy in 70 years.
Not bad for a man on the wrong side of 30.
When asked about his expectations with England, his response was that he’s not just there to be a cheerleader, so for now we’ve cancelled that order or pompoms from eBay.
Mr Burn – getting to the top is easy, the hard part is staying there, so here at Paddy Power News we have created some key advice based on some examples from the past on what the big defender should do if he wants to be on the plane heading to USA in 2026.
David Nugent – by any means necessary
A manager can’t argue with goals, right? Mr one-cap-one-goal would be the first to support scoring by any means necessary to really secure your England legacy, even if it means screwing over your fellow team-mate. Having stolen a goal from Jermain Defoe in 2007, Nugent has a 100% scoring record for his country and, at least in his own mind, got 100 caps.
John Terry – fail to prepare, prepare to fail
The former England captain demonstrates one single piece of advice: be ready.
3am? Be ready. Christmas day? Be ready. Champions League final that you’re suspended for? Be ready. Have that full kit, shinpads and boots on. Always.
Paul Gascoigne – release a record
More music and more Geordie legends. Gazza releases a record in 1990 and what followed was eight incredible years for the national side. It’s time for a modern take on an old classic. Fog on the Tyne 2025 progressive house edit, remixed by Geordie DJ, producer and Newcastle fan, Cristoph, vocals, Dan Burn. Expected to hit Ibiza dancefloors this summer.
Matt Le Tissier – make the big move
When Real Madrid come calling, jump at it! For Matt, he turned down Spurs and Chelsea to stay with Southampton which damaged his international chances. We are sure the football genius that is Le Tiss would advise Burn to go down a different road and push for the transfer – and watch out for chemtrails.
Jordan Henderson – spread the game
We don’t mean ‘spread the game’ by spraying Beckham-esque passes across the pitch, but rather, take football to parts of the world who are yet to come across the beautiful game, like Saudi Arabia (who already have a well-established professional league and including Cristiano Ronaldo in its ranks) and…err… Holland, apparently.
Maybe big Dan could go to Germany or Brazil to teach them about the beautiful game?
Antonio Conte – avoid handshakes with the boss
Still suffering with broken fingers from Tuchel’s venomous handshake during the England manager’s time at Chelsea, Conte’s example makes it crystal clear – do not get involved in any game of slapsies or thumb wars otherwise you’ll find yourself out for the season.
PJ and Duncan – Get ready to rhumble
This solid advice was given out to a generation of children in 1994 when Dan Burn was two years old, and who would have thought it would be this poignant in 2025. If you’re not ready to rhumble, should you even be anywhere near the squad?
PSYCH!
*Paddy Power News’s footy news is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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