Chelsea and Manchester United are demanding a full refund for the £3b they spent on players after both sides played out a dull 1-1 draw at Old Trafford yesterday.
It’s understood respective club owners Todd Boehly and Sir Jim Ratcliffe went frantically searching for the player’s receipts shortly after full time.
Chelsea and United are the Premier League’s two biggest spenders with their combined transfer expenditures totaling £2.86 billion since the start of the 2019/2020 season.
So, it came as a huge shock to Boehly and Ratcliffe to see their expensively assembled sides produce a game of football with about as much excitement as you’d get watching Ed Sheeran fill out a tax return.
‘107 million quid for Enzo Fernandez? Who the f*** sanctioned that?!’
‘Oh, it was me’, Boehly said loudly in his private box while checking the Argentinian’s receipt yesterday.
‘We paid a combined £125m for Romelu Lukaku to score goals for West Brom, Everton, Inter Milan and Roma – anyone but f***ing Chelsea.
‘And this one must be a typo? £70m for Mykhaylo Mudryk? Are you sure it’s not 7 million?’ the American billionaire pondered aloud.
Meanwhile, Ratcliffe was equally perplexed by United’s transfer dealings after watching his side make their worst ever start to a Premier League campaign.
‘Antony is the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I watched Joker 2 last week’, the INEOS CEO told Paddy Power News.
‘We wasted £95m on a Brazilian fidget spinner.
‘We spent a combined £120m on Rasmus Hojlund and Joshua Zirkzee and neither of them could score on a stag-do in Amsterdam.
‘I’ve seen better movement out of Subbuteo players than I have out of Zirkzee.
‘And there have been more sightings of Big Foot than there has been of Mason Mount in a United shirt. Another £55m down the p***er.
‘I think I’ll go back to watching Nice games. I’d rather sit through 2 hours of James Corden’s carpool karaoke videos on YouTube than see another United match’.
*Paddy Power News’s footy news is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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