Following weeks of speculation about the future of their manager, Manchester United have parted ways with Sir Alex Ferguson.
INEOS, who are responsible for football operations at the club since completing the purchase of a 27.7% stake earlier this year, made the decision following United’s poor start to the season.
United sources stressed that Ferguson will always remain welcome at Old Trafford to give television cameras someone to zoom in on during heavy home defeats.
Everyone expected the club to dispense with the services of current boss Erik ten Hag during the international break after the Dutchman broke his own record of United’s worst start to a Premier League season.
However, INEOS decided the best course of action was to sack their 82-year-old ambassador who brought unprecedented success to the club during a 26-year trophy laden spell as manager.
The move is part of INEOS’ strategic review at Old Trafford which includes further plans to rename Sir Matt Busby Way ‘Joel Glazer Boulevard’ and replace mascot Fred the Red with giant liver bird called ‘Larry’.
‘Sacking arguably the club’s most iconic figure is all part of the plan’, a United source told Paddy Power News.
‘During the meetings in Manchester and London it was discussed in detail why the team’s performances have been so bad this season.
‘And INEOS believe Micky van de Ven would never have been able to run through the entire United XI unchallenged if Sir Alex wasn’t in the stands’.
However, after it emerged United were severing ties with the legendary Scot, former Red Eric Cantona was spotted outside Old Trafford carrying a big bag sh*t.
Eyewitnesses claim they heard a deafening Gallic roar before the Frenchman appeared dragging a huge bag full of manure.
‘When the seagulls follow the trawler. It’s because they think INEOS will be thrown into my big bag of sh*t’, Cantona told stunned onlookers.
*Paddy Power News’s footy news is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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