Erik ten Hag has revealed the real reason for Marcus Rashford’s shock substitution at half-time in Man United’s 3-3 draw with Porto in the Europa League last night.
Rashford had been United’s star performer in the first half, scoring the opener before assisting Rasmus Hojlund as Ten Hag’s side raced into a 2-0 lead.
The 26-year-old didn’t emerge for the second half leading to speculation that he must’ve picked up an injury, but Ten Hag explained the substitution was ‘all part of the plan’.
‘It is clear. I want to be sacked and get an £11m payoff’ the Dutchman told Paddy Power News after the game.
‘Every time Marcus got the ball on the left, he looked as though he might score. I couldn’t risk him winning the game for us.
‘The plan is simple. I want my P45 before the international break. Everyone at the club is on the same page – except for Marcus.
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‘At half-time, I told him to look at Lisandro Martinez and how dedicated he was to the plan. That is the sort of performance you want from your players when you’re looking the sack and a hefty severance package’.
Meanwhile, United skipper Bruno Fernandes has reaffirmed his commitment to missing the remaining fixtures of Ten Hag’s tenure after receiving a red card for the second game running.
‘I really hope they don’t appeal this one’, the Portuguese told us.
‘As long as Ten Hag is my manager, I promise to keep fly-kicking my opponents in the head’.
In related news, there were joyous scenes across the UK this morning after it was announced TNT Sports commentator Robbie Savage had permanently lost his voice.
Savage was part of the commentary team during United’s 3-3 draw with Porto and was forced to apologise live on air for his croaky voice.
While many viewers believed it was just a minor throat strain, there was widespread celebrations among football fans when it was revealed he had lost his voice forever.
‘The cause appears to be overuse’, TNT physician Dr Steph O’Scope told Paddy Power News. ‘Early symptoms include sounding like Sean Dyche with laryngitis and the incessant talking of s***e.
‘Let’s pray Lee Dixon isn’t next’, she smirked.
*Paddy Power News’s footy news is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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