Rumours coming from Manchester City suggest the club is looking to sell Kevin De Bruyne before the transfer window closes following comments made around the Oasis reunion tour.
Having celebrated the biggest news in music history by giving each squad member a commemorative parka jacket and bucket hate, it has been suggested that the club’s hierarchy were “left with no choice” after the Belgian shrugged and said he “always preferred Blur”, before revealing a Damon Albarn tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Paddy Power News understands that things reached breaking point when De Bruyne told other members of the dressing room that he felt Live Forever is an overrated track, which led to him needing four-man security protection from Kyle Walker and John Stones whilst being escorted from the training complex.
Club legend Sergio Aguero also flew in from Argentina to have a pop at the Belgian, as well as outline his feelings to the rest of the squad, where he was heard screaming “anybody found Googling who the original Oasis drummer is doesn’t deserve a ticket and can f*ck right off with Kevin.”
With tensions high around the club, the problems don’t end there for Guardiola who faces a fresh dilemma, with several of his players looking to obtain Oasis tickets on Saturday morning, impacting their clash against West Ham in the afternoon.
BERN, SWITZERLAND – OCTOBER 25: Manchester City Head Coach Pep Guardiola walks in the field during the UEFA Champions League Group Stage match between BSC Young Boys and Manchester City at Stadion Wankdorf on October 25, 2023 in Bern, Switzerland. (Photo by Marcio Machado//Eurasia Sport Images/Getty Images)
“Erling Haaland, Rodri, Oscar Bobb, Phil Foden, Ederson and Jack Grealish will not travel with the squad. They’ve already told the boss they are willing to skip the West Ham clash and hit that Ticketmaster refresh button over and over again,” confirmed a physio.
“Nine years, fourteen major trophies, four times City’s player of the season, yet what did we really know about Kevin?” asked one irate member of the City staff.
Though regularly linked with the Saudi Pro League in recent years, one local journalist provided a theory on where De Bruyne could end up, and it’s not the Middle East.
“It was during his two years at Chelsea where he developed a love of all things Blur, so a move back to West London could be on the cards.
“Kevin and his wife had Song 2 as the first dance at their wedding and Graham Coxon ordained the whole thing, he is Blur through and through,” confirmed the reporter.
“Plus, Chelsea seem to buy everyone, don’t they?”
And with the nation excited for the Gallagher brothers to reunite for the first time in 15 years, unheard material has been leaked to social media which has the band performing terrace anthem ‘Feed the goat’.
Unknown if this material is stolen, borrowed, or if in fact Noel wrote the music to the famous Shaun Goater song, the band will be expected to open with it on their Manchester dates.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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