Fantasy Premier League: 8 ways FPL has completely distorted football reality

We've all got a team, we all throw in a fiver, and most of us forget about it by September, but some don't...

By / Football News / 3 months ago

Another season is here, filling us with optimism, hope and belief that it’ll go better than last year.

To summarise last season, in the real world, Arsenal lost out to City again, Aston Villa were dynamite, Spurs entertained us, and Chelsea didn’t have a clue.

In the altered reality of Fantasy Premier League world, Haaland being sidelined for a long period upset a lot of people, Ollie Watkins became the first name on the team sheet and Cole Palmer became everybody’s main guy.

Not long until you find your weekend ruined because Bournemouth let in a 93rd minute goal and you lose a clean sheet bonus, or Pep roulette screws you over before midday Saturday.

Below, Paddy Power News looks at several ways the beautiful game of FPL has altered footballing reality.

No longer ask newbies who they support

Well not quite. We all still ask people which team they support, but it’s not the first question anymore. To the new guy in the office, “oh you like football, do you play FPL?”. Followed up with, “who do you support?”. Supporting a team has been bumped down the order of importance. 2024 is here guys, deal with it.

Hating the late closure of the transfer window more than you already did

Didn’t think it was possible to hate it more than we already do. Why allow transfers two weeks after the season starts? It is a ridiculous concept in real life, so imagine building your FPL side around premiums De Bruyne and Salah, only to see them move to Saudi Arabia on deadline day. In real life we’d love to see it, but in FPL world it could mean using your wildcard by week three. Ouch!

@skysports Peter Odemwingie’s failed transfer to QPR is a #DeadlineDay ♬ original sound – Sky Sports

Think about your winnings before week one

FPL leagues are the new accas. £5 in and winner takes the lot at the end of the season. The only problem is the lad who is 400 points off top by September and stops playing decides he’s got a right to not pay up. The girl who lost her FPL log-in and finishes bottom thinks she doesn’t have to pay either. Plus, the other 22 other mates who don’t win all ghost you when you try to collect. Word to the wise, accas pay out, mates don’t. Collect before match day one and keep it all in a safe place to hand out to the winner in May.

Cole Palmer’s ridiculous price rise

Unhappy with your side’s transfer business (Liverpool fans we are looking at you), we guarantee you are more annoyed about Cole Palmer being priced at £10.5m. Yes, every single one of us thought we’d struck gold by nabbing him early doors last year referring to him as a differential. Hardly a differential if seven million of us had him. Got to be Chelsea’s main man again though so worth the investment.

What you say and what you do are different

We all expect Mo Salah to be past it. He won’t be anywhere near his previous level and may well struggle under Slot, ending with just two goals and four assists. That’d bring joy to all United fans.

But we’ll all put him in our FPL side, you know, just in case.

Arsenal’s worrying defence

Modern day Arsenal defend very well. They’ve also just signed an Italian, and we all know Italians defend very well. Also, their defenders, who are lethal from set pieces too. The worry comes in the form temptation of wanting to pick Gabriel, Saliba and White in your FPL team. Could be the easiest 18 points, plus bonus points, plus goal threats you’ll ever see. Not many Spurs fans want Arsenal keeping clean sheets every week, but if we have three of their defenders, we sort of do.

Everton being cr*p is actually… really, really good?

We all think Everton are dross. Even their own fans do – you can hear the boos on Mars when they lose. However, Jordan Pickford was the best FPL keeper last term scoring 153 points and keeping 13 clean sheets. How is this possible when they are always fighting relegation and just total cr*p? Time to put some respect on the name of Everton.

Phones in the pub

Pubs, nights out, family dinners, birthday parties, work, you name it, FPL will ruin that occasion for you. Could be enjoying TikTok, instead getting irate at FPL. Why would Palace -Brighton finishing 0-0 bother anybody other than an FPL player who had Eze, Mateta and Mitoma all starting. Wednesday night ruined by the A23 derby.

*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second

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