French football has been thrown into disarray following the news that nobody is willing to pay for Ligue 1 broadcasting rights following the departure of Kylian Mbappe.
Having finally made his move from PSG to European powerhouse Real Madrid, television chiefs believe viewers would be far more interested in watching two hours of authentic farmer’s market footage than that of a farmer’s football league.
“For a few euros we can offer an uninterrupted live stream of a bunch of farmers selling fruit and vegetables sourced from Montpellier or Picardy, that is of course if they aren’t on strike again, the entitled pr*cks,” confirmed a source close to the local broadcaster.
“Tell me, as a viewer, what makes better television: watching the camaraderie between a collection of farmers who attempt to haggle with the customer and navigate their way around the sale of sh*t you could probably get cheaper in Tesco, or watching a bunch of farmers try and play football?
“It’s these same guys who go and throw on a kit and represent the likes of Nice, PSG and Monaco after they finish their shift on the stall,” continued the source.
With French football no closer to finding an investor and likely to go into liquidation, an international financial expert spoke with Paddy Power News about one possible solution that could revive the French league.
“French football should be absorbed into the Welsh league,” said the expert enthusiastically.
“Initially we thought Spain could be an option, but chances are none of the clubs would make it anywhere near the Segunda Division, let alone La Liga. This also rules out the Dutch, Belgian and Swiss leagues where the standard is simply too high.
By merging with the Welsh league, it offers an even playing field in terms of ability and levels of interest
“Broadcasting rights could be split 50-50 when the likes of PSG go down to Barry, or when Lyon welcomes Aberystwyth, with both clubs getting up to £50 each,” confirmed the source.
Whilst the Welsh-French hybrid league is a feasible option, former PSG star Mbappe has failed to be drawn into any conversation surrounding the topic, with a coach describing him as “totally focussed on the task in front of him”.
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“For Kylian, he only has one thought in his mind this summer; how to get more attention than Jude Bellingham next season.
“He cannot stand Jude being the main man and is plotting a way to get him out of Madrid.
“He’s been watching Home Alone on repeat since he made the move, so expect to see Jude slip down some stairs on black ice, or hit in the head with a tin of paint at some point in the near future,” continued the coach.
*Paddy’s news coverage is pure fantasy – or is it? No, no, it definitely is. Honest.
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