The Premier League has agreed a deal with Skynet, an American company that is part of Cyberdyne Systems, to provide the artificial intelligence for a new semi-automated offside system.
Skynet, which has been approved by Fifa, will replace the Hawk-Eye system, where shite squiggly lines are drawn on a screen by a VAR technician.
The deal was announced at a press conference today by Premier League CEO Richard Masters who was flanked by two prototype T-800 robo-refs, which are also in development with the US tech firm.
‘The future of the Premier League is in safe hands with Skynet’, Masters told reporters.
‘Gone are the days of watching some lad in Stockley Park drawing lines on the screen using MAC paint’.
BUDAPEST, HUNGARY – JUNE 27: Match Referee, Sergei Karasev is seen reviewing the VAR monitor before changing a yellow card to a red card for Matthijs de Ligt of Netherlands during the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Round of 16 match between Netherlands and Czech Republic at Puskas Arena on June 27, 2021 in Budapest, Hungary. (Photo by Laszlo Balogh – Pool/Getty Images)
‘With AI, we can ruin fans enjoyment of the game in a fraction of time’.
When quizzed about Skynet becoming self-aware during a trial in an MLS game and correctly ruling out a Lionel Messi goal for offside, contravening the terms and conditions of his contract with the US Soccer Federation, Masters said:
‘That was a just a glitch. Skynet can guarantee Premier League fans the same level of inconsistencies and incorrect decisions as VAR – only faster, and with much cooler graphics’.
However, the press conference was interrupted by a semi-naked MLS fan claiming to be from the future.
While being dragged away by security, 46-yr-old Reese Biehn screamed warnings about the technology at reporters:
‘It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop… ruining football’.
In related news, a Wolverhampton Wanderers fan was arrested for throwing eggs at Skynet officials.
21-year-old John Connor was cautioned by police and warned about his conduct in the future.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second.
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