From Ange-ball reinventing the art of defending at Spurs, Sheffield United losing 6-0 most weeks and everybody desperate for City not to win the title… until realising the alternative option was Arsenal, this season has certainly had as many talking points as ever.
Jürgen Klopp was supposed to win the quadruple in his final season at Liverpool. Instead, he failed to beat a terrible Manchester United on three occasions as they celebrated a haul of… the Carabao Cup.
Speaking of United, they signed Sofyan Amrabat based on a YouTube clip of him tackling Kylian Mbappe. Last time they signed a player based on YouTube footage, it was the next Thierry Henry, Gabriel Obertan. Whatever happened to him?
Robert De Zerbi continued to get spoken about in the same breath as Ferguson, Wenger and Mourinho despite taking Brighton backwards. And then leaving.
Declan Rice proved a hit at Arsenal, but was it a step down for the England international to leave a club that wins trophies for a club whose biggest triumph is pushing Man City all the way?
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2023/24 Paddy Power Premier League awards.
Head’s gone award – Cristian Romero and Spurs
In one of the most chaotic Premier League matches ever, Spurs found themselves on the wrong end of a 4-1 drubbing, exposing major frailties in Ange-ball. Having a wild central defender doing everything he could to get sent off combined with playing a back eight all sat on the halfway line when you’ve only got nine players on the field provided brilliant entertainment.
VAR superfan award – Mikel Arteta
The little Spaniard already hated VAR after what had happened to Arsenal in the 2022/23 season, so when technology allowed Anthony Gordon’s goal to stand in his side’s 1-0 defeat at Newcastle, it’s safe to say he was heading straight down to Stockley Park looking for a fight. On being given our award, it’s understood Arteta said: It’s a disgrace. A disgrace.
Outfit change award, sponsored by boohooMAN – Sean Dyche
A major talking point this season came when the Everton boss ditched his shirt and tie for a tracksuit. The outfit change seemed to inspire his side who went on to finish in a very respectable 15th, which could have been 12th without the points deduction. Expect to see tracksuit Dychey on the regular next term.
Manager of the year award – Gary O’Neill
Let’s be honest, if his name was Gariò O’Neillola he’d be managing Barcelona by now. He won the hearts of the nation with his tactical masterclass on Monday Night Football and from that moment, this award was his. Considering he took the Wolves job hours before the season kicked off, only to find his star player hiding in a cupboard refusing to play, he’s done well leading them to 14th.
Holy Trinity award – Mateta, Eze, Olise
MSN (that’s Messi, Suarez and Neymar, not the search engine) have nothing on the Palace front three, who took the Eagles from relegation contenders to the top half after Oliver Glasner rocked up at Selhurst Park.
A big summer at Selhurst Park awaits where the club will either fight to the death to keep their prized assets in the hope of challenging for European football, or they’ll cash in and earn upwards of £200m.
They may want to learn some lessons from their rivals Brighton in what happens when you sell your two best players, mind.
Goal of the season award – Alejandro Garnacho
Have you ever seen a world class goal in Sunday football? It happens, you talk about it down the pub after, and then it becomes a forgotten memory. Sadly, for the young Argentinian, this has been the case.
This goal will get nowhere near the same level of fame as Wayne Rooney’s all those years ago because it happened in a very forgettable clash between teams ultimately finishing 8th and 15th. A magical moment for mid-table football.
The ‘real’ double award – Aston Villa
Forget any potential league and FA Cup double for City, the real double was provided by Emery’s Villa who beat Arsenal home and away. Some view it that the former Gunners manager was the reason they failed to win the title, taking six points from them.
Revenge is sweet.
Hat-trick hero award – Ashley Young
Did he score a hat-trick? No. Did he make a hat-trick of assists? No. Well, what did he do? He got away with a hat-trick of VAR decisions in one match against Forest.
Three penalties that should have all been given, but Young had VAR well and truly on his side that day. VARshley Young, amirite?
Niagara Falls award – Old Trafford
Fans needed to take a swimming costume, goggles and a towel this season, as Old Trafford provided a stunning water feature from its roof landing directly onto hundreds of supporters every time it rained.
Was the hole purposely put there to take the attention away from what was happening on the field? One can only speculate…
One season wonder award – Erling Haaland
In his first season, Haaland won the treble with City scoring 49 goals in all competitions. In his second season, sadly he had been found out by defenders, scoring an embarrassing 33 goals, and only winning the Premier League, Golden Boot and probably the FA Cup too.
Rubbish, pal.
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