Manchester United co-owner Sir Jim Ratcliffe has fired the club’s lunch lady following last night’s 4-0 humiliation by Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park.
Long-serving Doris Gallagher was told to hang up her apron after Erik ten Hag’s side slumped to a record 13th Premier League defeat of the season against a Michael Olise inspired Palace.
Ratcliffe also threatened to sack the club’s cleaning and laundry staff unless United’s performances on the pitch drastically improved.
Since taking control over United’s sporting operations, the INEOS CEO has fired or bollocked just about everyone at the club – apart from manager Erik ten Hag and his underperforming players.
‘Doris had to go after that performance at Palace’, an Old Trafford source told Paddy Power News.
‘Sir Jim told her to go into the dressing room and apologise to the coaching staff and players after the match.
‘She left some dishes steeping in the canteen sink overnight and there was an old Bolognese sauce stain on her apron.
‘Clearly, this had an impact on the game.’
‘If only Doris had showed more professionalism by wearing a clean apron, then Casemiro wouldn’t have slid about the Selhurst Park pitch like a newborn foal on an ice rink.
‘Canteen staff need to lead by example. And if they can’t get the basics right, like wearing a hair net at all times, then how can you expect a young footballer earning 300 grand a week to track back? It’s simple. You can’t.
‘Sir Jim is trying to reset the culture at United by cracking down on slipping standards off the pitch – while simultaneously enabling a clueless manager and his substandard players to orchestrate a total sh*tshow on it’.
Doris said her emotional goodbyes to the canteen staff this morning who vowed to keep serving her signature dish of beef hearts served on a bed of ground up gym mats.
The lunch lady also bid a fond farewell to United’s head groundsman, Willie, whom she smothered in cafeteria grease one final time.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second.
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