On a night that was supposed to be all about Cillian Murphy, Christopher Nolan and the cast of Oppenheimer, it was Lionel Messi who left as this year’s big winner, picking up six awards over the course of the evening, despite doing absolutely nothing of note during the eligibility period.
Cillian Murphy had all but risen from his seat as the winner for Best Actor was announced, however, it was the Argentinian’s name called out instead – earning the gong for last month’s foul-winning theatrics against the LA Galaxy, a tie that was the talk of Los Angeles for at least six or seven minutes after the final whistle.
And like a prime Barcelona, the accolades just kept on coming. ‘A small golden man for a small golden man,’ announced fellow testosterone-beneficiary Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as he handed Messi the prize for Best Story, in recognition of his rollercoaster journey towards Leagues Cup glory against the fearsome Nashville Soccer Club.
That was followed by another trophy for Best Picture, given to the Argentinian for his selfie with Salt Bae after the 2022 World Cup Final – beating out odds-on favourite ‘Oppenheimer’ and Scorcese’s 3-hour spectacle, ‘Killers Of The Flower Moon’.
Thankfully, no punches were thrown during this year’s ceremony, though, it will have felt like a punch in the face for composer Ludwig Goransson, who was snubbed in the race for Best Score in favour of Messi’s goal against Real Salt Lake, leaving a real salty taste in the Swede’s mouth – the composer is now considering leaving film work behind in favour of YouTube.
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Later on, Messi received the nod for Best International Feature, awarded to him for his brace against Peru in last October’s World Cup Qualifiers, before receiving his final award of the night for Best Short Subject. ‘I can’t think of a better short subject on planet Earth than this guy. I’m so glad I’ll never have to face him,’ announced Tom Hanks, someone who knows a thing or two about playing a mildly autistic man who nobody can stop running.
The ex-Barcelona man’s big night has unsurprisingly caused uproar amongst the wider film community, drawing criticism from many who deemed him undeserving in such a strong year. Most notable amongst the naysayers was Cristiano Ronaldo, who, when questioned by reporters, said this: ‘I think that, in a way, these awards are losing credibility. It’s not to say Messi didn’t deserve the award for best score, but did you see my goal against Al-Okhdood?!’
*Paddy Power’s Oscars coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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