Fresh off the heels of poaching Sam Jewell, Brighton’s Director of Recruitment, Chelsea have raided the South Coast club once more – agreeing a deal in principle to sign Brighton mascot Gully The Seagull.
The seven-foot-eight styrofoam bird becomes the twelfth Brighton staff member or player to join Chelsea since Todd Boehly’s takeover in 2022.Gully will join the West London side on a long-term contract spread across 16 years for amortisation.
However, before finalising the deal, Gully will undergo a lengthy medical, with Chelsea doctors concerned about a recent wing injury – though the club are no strangers to dealing with wing issues, as evidenced by the recent performances of Mykhailo Mudryk and Nicolas Jackson, and may be willing to overlook the problem.
Speaking to Paddy Power News, Chelsea owner Todd Boehly explained the decision to sign Gully.
‘We spoke to the fans, we listened, and they asked to see more gulls. This signing shows we intend to make good on those wishes.’
Questioned if fans had, in fact, meant more goals, the ever-gormless Boehly responded, ‘I think it’s an English-American thing. You say petrol, we say gasoline,’ drawing a mixture of blank stares and raised eyebrows from around the press room.
While a seagull makes a fitting choice for a team which has become accustomed to fighting for scraps, some Chelsea fans are concerned that their latest big-name signing could push out academy product and matchday regular Stamford the Lion.
Speaking to season ticket holder Sean Butler outside of Stamford Bridge, he told Paddy Power News: ‘It’s an effin’ joke, mate. An effin’ joke. How many times ‘ave Brighton gotta rob us blind before we give the yoof a chance?!’
Gully’s acquisition is just the latest step in the recent Brightonisation of the Blues – with the West Londoners acquiring three Brighton players, nine Brighton staff members, and Brighton’s expected league position, all within the space of 17 months.
Now, there are whispers that Chelsea could come for Brighton’s stadium next – the Blues are seeking a temporary home as they look to refurbish Stamford Bridge and have earmarked the Amex as a top candidate for relocation.
Understandably, the news has left many among the Seagulls faithful seething, with one asking on the club Facebook page: ‘What now? Is Tony Bloom’s algorithm gonna scout us a new 40,000 seater stadium in Ecuador?!’
Catch Brighton at 3 pm this Saturday as they take on Everton, live from the Estadio Modelo Alberto Spencer Herrera.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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