Manchester United have failed to successfully organise a p*ss up in a Bierkeller on the eve of their Champions League showdown with Bayern Munich, Paddy Power News can exclusively reveal.
The Red Devils head to Bavaria in the midst of the legendary Oktoberfest beer and sausage bonanza looking to regain some momentum and build confidence after some dire performances in the Premier League.
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However, Erik ten Hag’s pre-match plans quickly went awry after his ‘nothing less than three pints in Munich, lads’ typo in the group chat led the club’s top brass splashing out yet again to source a man on the ground in Munich to organise the jamboree.
Long-time transfer target and new Bayern signing Harry Kane was tasked with the job after confirming that he owns Lederhosen and has visited the city centre a couple of times since his move from Tottenham last month.
Handing control for their pub visit to England hitman Kane aligned with the club’s policy to just go with someone you’ve heard of rather than looking for someone who actually knows what they’re doing and might be value for money.
A source inside the Red Devils camp confirmed, “It was done with Erik ten-Hag’s blessing. Once the points/pints gaff was made the boss decided to double down and thought it would be a great way to build team morale after a difficult start to the domestic season.
“Plus, he’s knows they’re going to get stuffed anyway, so at least he’s got a viable excuse of the team being hungover for this one.
“Kane contacted a few of the England lads last week to see if they fancied a night out. Word got round and, after he managed to extract an obscene amount of money from the club for organising the event, it was all systems go.”
It didn’t take long for the mishaps to start. A reveler revealed, “It was incredible, Kane went up to the bar, ordered 15 steins of weissbier and pilsner and dropped the lot just before delivering them to the table. You can take the lad out of Spurs…”
Bruno Fernandes was allegedly removed from the venue after screaming in the faces of a gaggle of burly Bavarian bouncers when they found him rolling around the floor in apparent agony after someone brushed past him on their way to the loo.
The Red Devils hierarchy were also left red faced after they ended up paying well over the odds for the jaunt, with financial mastermind Richard Arnold accidentally paying another table’s bar tab before being forced to pay their own.
The United source claimed the knees-up had helped banish the memory of a dismal start to the campaign.
“The lads were in good spirits in training,” they said. “Despite everything on-and-off the pitch this season being a complete sh*tshow and a couple of them having had their eyebrows shaved off.”
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% nonsense, but you knew that already… surely?
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