Alan Shearer hires private jet for Kane as Spurs accept Bayern bid

Auf wiedersehn, pet


Former Newcastle United striker Alan Shearer has paid for a private jet to fly Harry Kane to Munich Airport.

It follows Tottenham Hotspurs’ decision to sell the England captain to German giants Bayern Munich for £86.4m.

With 213 goals from 320 Premier League games, Kane needs just 48 more to break Shearer’s all-time scoring record.

And, after hearing Spurs had accepted the Bundesliga champions’ bid, Shearer decided to fly the 30-year-old Spurs striker to Munich Franz Josef Strauss Airport himself.

‘Phew. That was close’, Shearer told Paddy Power News, while putting on his bomber hat and aviator shades.

‘Feared Harry might finally be the one to break me record but it’s off to the land of lederhosen and wiener schnitzel he goes.

‘Clear skies, light winds and little rain. I’ll have the big chinned b*****ks there in an hour’.

By chartering a Munich bound flight for Kane, the former Blackburn Rovers star may have preserved his record for now.

AL KHOR, QATAR – DECEMBER 10: A dejected Harry Kane of England reacts after his team is knocked out of the World Cup during the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 quarter final match between England and France at Al Bayt Stadium on December 10, 2022 in Al Khor, Qatar. (Photo by James Williamson – AMA/Getty Images)

However, Shearer acknowledges there is a newer threat to his goalscoring legacy in the shape of Manchester City hitman Erling Haaland.

The Norwegian scored 35 Premier League goals in his debut season eclipsing Shearer’s previous best of 34.

‘The big blonde Goth is a legitimate problem’, said Shearer.

‘But hopefully he f**ks off to Real Madrid in a couple of years or the price of oil plummets and City end up in League One where they belong’.

‘Or if all else fails, I could always fit a DMC DeLorean car with a flux capacitor which allows for time travel when the car accelerates to 88 miles per hour, then go back to 2001 and ask Roy to plant his studs in Alfie Haaland’s testicles instead’.

In related news, with Spurs seeking to reinvest the £86.4m they receive for Kane back into the first team, the club has enquired about the availability of Roberto Soldado, Paulinho and Vlad Chiriches.

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% nonsense, but you knew that already… didn’t you?

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