Paris Saint Germain striker Kylian Mbappe has announced his retirement from professional football after being linked with a move to Tottenham Hotspur.
The 24-year-old had been put up for sale and left out of PSG’s pre-season tour of Japan and South Korea after refusing to sign a new contract with the French sportswashing giants.
A host of clubs expressed their interest in Mbappe but the former Monaco ace decided to call it a day when Tottenham entered the race for his signature.
‘I’d rather stir fry my own feet’, Mbappe told Paddy Power News when asked if he’d consider joining Spurs.
‘Last season I was playing with Lionel Messi and Neymar. Now they expect me to play with Eric Dier and Richarlison?’
‘That’s it, I’m packing it in. They’re just too f**king Spursy for me, man’.
After failing in their quest to land Mbappe, Spurs chairman Daniel Levy must convince club captain Harry Kane that not winning trophies is the best thing for his career.
‘Matt Le Tissier never won a trophy and he had a decent career up until he started tweeting that the world is run by intergalactic shape-shifting lizards’.
‘Harry just needs to realise that his future lies at Tottenham and sign a new contract. Maybe I could get him some income tax relief for his 10 dependents’.
Meanwhile, the news will also come as a blow to Saudi Pro League outfit Al Hilal who were hoping to launder £259m by purchasing the Frenchman.
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‘It’s the saddest day in Al Hilal’s 3-month history’, a club spokesman told PPN.
‘Kylian’s people told us he was a big Al Hilal fan and would have loved the opportunity to earn £22-per-second to represent the club’.
‘While we’re disappointed by Kylian’s decision to retire, we fully understand his reasons for doing so. Spurs are sh*te’.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% nonsense, but you knew that already… didn’t you?
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