Transfer News: Henderson plans to buy new legs with £700k per week salary

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Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson is still to make up his mind over a lucrative move to Al-Ettifaq in the Saudi Pro League.

With a whopping £700,000 per week offer on the table for Henderson, the 33-year-old Liverpool captain is believed to be giving serious thought to making the move, but only to fund a leg transplant in a bid to prolong his playing days.

“Lots of players come over here to retire, but not Jordan” a source close to the Reds skipper said. “He’s coming to give his career an extra 15 years – and not because the league’s sh*tter than the Welsh Premier League.”

Our source explained how the lavish wages will fund a rejuvenation of England star’s career.

“Everybody says his legs have gone, he can’t hack the Premier League any longer and that’s why he’s considering the move.

“But the joke will be on them when he becomes a billionaire, pays for surgery to get news legs, and goes back to Liverpool leading them to a treble!”

We were then put in contact with the doctor who claims to be able to perform this extraordinary procedure.

“We hear he’s planning on coming to play out here for two seasons,” Dr Nick Riviera of the Sports Care & Medicine Riyadh (SCAMR) explained.

“During this time we will attach the legs of an 18-year-old runner to his torso – don’t ask me where I get them, but you want legs, I can get you legs. Believe me, there are ways…”

“He can then return as Liverpool captain in 2026 and play on until he is 50 years old. Having worked as a medical professional for over 30 years, I know this type of surgery can be done,” he explained as he counted dollars bills on Zoom call.

TURIN, ITALY – MAY 14: Paul Pogba of Juventus reacts after pulling up with a muscle injury during the Serie A match between Juventus and US Cremonese at Allianz Stadium on May 14, 2023 in Turin, Italy. (Photo by Jonathan Moscrop/Getty Images)

Meanwhile, football’s forgotten man Paul Pogba is understood to be keen on a move to the Saudi Pro League too after being made aware of  an especially nice treatment room at Al-Ittihad.

Having spent the best part of the last two years injured, rumours coming from the middle east claim that gold encrusted treatment tables with built in WIFI, fantastic aircon, state of the art surround sound and free refills of Fanta have been major factors in convincing the Frenchman to turn his back on Juventus again.

“Paul is of an age where he needs to make a decision that is right for him. When you weigh up the benefits, a very comfortable and flashy treatment table is where he will ultimately spend most of his time, so it’s obviously going to be important to him,” confirmed a source close to the player.

“Plus, the lure of £128m across three years is quite appealing too, considering he will very likely only play 15 minutes of football all season and spend the rest of the time causing trouble in the dressing room.”

Manchester United are believed to be disappointed by the news, as local reports suggest they were ready to table a big money offer for the French international to return to Old Trafford, under the belief that it would have to be third time lucky for him at the club.

“I think he could have linked well with Bruno Fernandes and made a positive impact at the club,” said one United supporter with a memory like a fish.

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% nonsense, but you knew that already… didn’t you?

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