United plan Lukaku, Mkhitaryan & Darmian statue if Inter beat City

Three of the all-time greats... If they beat City


Rumours have emerged from Old Trafford suggesting senior management have agreed in principle to a statue of Romelu Lukaku, Matteo Darmian and Henrikh Mkhitaryan being put up outside of the ground.

Paddy Power News understands that if Inter Milan beat Manchester City in the Champions League final, the three former United players currently plying their trade in Italy will go down in history as United legends despite being mostly garbage whilst playing for the Red Devils.

“During their time at United they were all equally as forgettable and as useless as one another, yet if they pull off this win, there will be no arguments from anybody about their legend status, and that is why the statue is a brilliant idea,” a source close to the club said.

“We have nods to all the greats around the ground – statues of Sir Alex Ferguson, George Best, Denis Law, Bobby Charlton, Sir Matt Busby and Jimmy Murphy, and a chip shop named after Lou Macari – so it feels fitting to acknowledge this very special trio who cost us £120m in transfer fees and delivered f**k all.

“All that matters is they stop City winning the treble – that’s all the fans have left to dine out on these days.”

And fans milling around Old Trafford’s megastore on Friday were more than keen on the idea.

“Of course they should be honoured like Best, Law and Charlton if they pull this off – it’ll be the best thing to happen to the club in ten years,” said one fan

“Buzzing for an Inter win mate, absolutely buzzing. If it happens, I’ll be calling my new son Romelu that’s for sure, just as soon as I delete all those tweets about him having a wagon for a foot and playing football like he’s wearing a blindfold,” another boasted, though not everyone was so enthusiastic.

“These are some of the biggest names of the United banter era – what next, renaming a stand named after Paul Pogba?!”

And with City on the brink of emulating the triumph of United’s legends of ‘99, plans for the new statue as well as potentially renaming Old Trafford have been thrown into the mix.

Possible stadium names have included, ‘The champions of Europe, you’ll never sing that Ground’, ‘The have you ever won the treble, have you f**k Arena’, and “The we’re gonna party like it’s 1999 Stadium’ should Inter win on Saturday night.

Elsewhere in Manchester, the blue half of the city have started to prepare their own celebrations by inviting all 300 fans to a parade and ensuring the open top bus is stacked with booze and a microphone for Jack Grealish. Rumours suggest this year he will leave Migiel Almiron alone and target Gabriel Martinelli instead.

*Paddy Power’s football coverage is 100% fake news. Honest.

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