Inter given 3-0 start to make Champions League Final interesting

UEFA has decided to give Inter Milan a three goal start to try to make Saturday’s Champions League Final more interesting.

This unprecedented move has come about following European football’s governing body being concerned that their showpiece occasion could turn into the most one-sided final in history, forcing millions of viewers around the globe to change channels before half-time.

“We can’t take that risk” a UEFA insider told Paddy Power News, “If City are in the mood they could be 5-0 up in the first 20 minutes and that would be a disaster for us.

“We want to give Inter every opportunity to at least make a game of it.”

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Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola is understood to be furious at the last minute alteration. A club spokesperson told us that:

“We’ve got the whole of Manchester shut off on Sunday for our treble celebrations and this has thrown a real spanner in the works. Pep is scheduled to duet on an acoustic version of Wonderwall alongside Noel Gallagher outside the Etihad too.

“It’s obvious that UEFA has got it in for us which is hard to understand, as we’ve only been accused of breaching 120 rules regarding FFP.”

Despite this shot in the arm for Saturday’s rank outsiders, tensions are also rising in the Inter camp after Belgian frontman Romelu Lukaku demanded that he be credited with the three goals.

His strike partner, Lautaro Martinez, is understood to be furious about this, believing they should split two of them and let City hotshot Erling Haaland be credited with an own goal for the other.

Inter boss Simone Inzaghi told Italian reporters that “Since the news broke Lukaku and Martinez have been at each other’s throats.

“They got into a huge row on the flight over to Istanbul and Romelu locked himself in the toilet for most of the journey refusing to come out.

“Fortunately, he changed his mind when I explained that if he didn’t grow up, he would be sent back to Chelsea this summer.”

For the final word on this dramatic development we go back to UEFA who revealed exclusively to us that should the match be as one-sided as predicted, they do have another drastic measure in place.

“As a last resort we are prepared to cut the broadcast at a moment’s notice and replace it with a re-run of the 1999 Champions League Final. Not that we anticipate any Man Utd fans to be watching anyway.”

*Paddy Power’s football coverage is 100% fake news. Honest.