AI platform ChatGPT has put together the definitive combined XI of Man United’s treble winning side and Man City’s would-be usurpers ahead of this Saturday’s FA Cup final – and there are no Red Devils included.
“Not a single bloody one of them,” the AI model confirmed, speaking in a computer-generated Longsight accent for effect when asked how many of Man United’s treble-winning side from the 1998/99 season would get into Pep’s first team squad from this year.
Pep Guardiola’s unit have yet to achieve anything other than a domestic league success in their treble bid, but the latest technology has indeed controversially suggested that David May probably wouldn’t trouble Ruben Dias at centre half.
The supercomputer later doubled down on its verdict, saying “United’s squad from their best-ever campaign stands up about as well as Jack Grealish in the 18-yard=box.”
Upon hearing the news that none of his teammates would get into a combined XI, Peter Schmeichel offered to fight the hardware in Camp Nou as a nostalgic throwback to their Champions League success.
When asked why he felt the need, Schmeichel responded “Well, our actual captain lost his temper in the last round and picked up a pointless booking in a scrap with a printer.”
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Former United centre-back Ronny Johnsen when asked for comment told us that while he admitted he wouldn’t even be the best bloody Norwegian in that starting team, that had he not fouled Carsten Jancker, that famous comeback would have been little more than a straightforward victory.
As news reached Kevin De Bruyne of his inclusion in the squad, he claimed it was “a real honour to get in there ahead of Jonathan Greening”, whose career at Tadcaster Albion he watched incredibly closely, citing it was a real inspiration to his own game.
Naturally, part of this calculation must revolve around the fact that the heroes on the day, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer and Teddy Sheringham, weren’t even deemed good enough for their own starting XI so how they could ever expect to nip in ahead of record-breaking Erling Haaland is a puzzle to begin with.
It wasn’t all cross-city conflict that came from this finding though – there were suggestions of a bust-up at City’s latest training sessions between Scott Carson and Ederson after the former had to be dragged away by members of the backroom team shouting “I TOLD DUDEK THAT SHEVA WOULD GO DOWN THE MIDDLE – PUT RESPECT ON MY NAME”.
Paddy Power News reached out to Wes Brown and Nicky Butt for additional reaction but their agents claimed they weren’t doing any media after their rejection from the latest rejig of Masters Football.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is 100% fake news. Honest.
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