Breaking: Weston McKennie smashes land-speed record with Leeds exit

And like that, he's gone


On-loan Leeds United midfielder Weston McKennie shattered the land speed record as he raced away from Elland Road following the club’s relegation from the Premier League on Sunday, Paddy Power News can reveal.

The American midfielder, brought in from Juventus in January until the end of the season, left a heaving mass of tearful and irate Yorkshiremen and women in his dust following his side’s 4-1 defeat to Tottenham Hotspur, a result that confirmed their demotion to the Championship next season.

LEEDS, ENGLAND – SEPTEMBER 21: A Leeds United fan reacts during the Sky Bet Championship match between Leeds United and Derby County at Elland Road on September 21, 2019 in Leeds, England. (Photo by George Wood/Getty Images)

Eyewitness reports describe how McKennie sprang into action that as soon as the final whistle blew.

“He went racing across the turf, down the tunnel, through the stadium and out into the carpark – I thought we’d just brought on Usain Bolt at first,” one astounded fan said.

“Pity he wasn’t running like that during games or we might’ve stayed up,” said another.

McKennie, 24, left a trail of debris in his wake as he legged it for the 6:55pm departure Leeds-Bradford Airport and a connecting flight back to Turin on Sunday night,

Indeed, the on-loan star initially considered leasing helicopter that would hover above the Elland Road pitch around the 90th-minute, with a trained extraction team to be lowered on the ground, retrieving the beleaguered footballer and whisking him away to Italy once relegation was confirmed.

However, that plan was cancelled due to the pilot’s fear that a Patrick Bamford first-touch might send a ball directly into the propellers and lead to catastrophe.

Instead, the midfielder enlisted the help of a Formula One team to modify and tune his sports car to make an almost instantaneous exit from the city.

“There were flames spewing from the exhaust,” one onlooker observed. “With all the fire, smoke and noxious fumes I thought it was Big Sam dealing with last night’s vindaloo at first, but then I realised it was McKennie scarpering.”

Indeed, local CCTV cameras captured the moment when his car seemingly vanished into thin air.

“Reminded me of our defence today – there one second, gone the next,” one fan quipped on seeing the footage before somehow managing to bring back up Marcelo Bielsa for the four-hundredth and fifty-sixth time since the final whistle.

However, there was some good news for fans of the Lillywhite side, with reports suggesting as-good-as-Pep Guardiola manager Sam Allardyce will spurn the advances of Real Madrid, PSG and Bayern Munich to stay at Elland Road next season and push for promotion.

“He’ll prove he’s better than all these Fancy Dan foreign coaches next season because he’ll succeed with players who are complete sh*te,” a close associate of the former Bolton boss said.

Indeed, the now 68-year-old coach has already begun to put together a transfer wishlist for his promotion push.

“Let’s just say, Ivan Campo should pack his suitcase full of L’Oreal and get to Elland Road ASAP,” our source said.

*Paddy Power’s football coverage is 100% fake news. Honest.


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