Arsenal have decided to rename themselves Manchester City Old Boys as the club prepares bids for Ilkay Gundogan and Joao Cancelo.
In a move which has been described as ‘stunning and brave’ by pundits, the North London outfit now identifies as a retirement home for former City stars which already includes Gabriel Jesus and Oleksandr Zinchenko.
Arsenal’s transition began when they hired former City coach Mikel Arteta as their manager and looks set to continue with the acquisition of cast-offs such as Gundogan and Cancelo.
Unconfirmed reports claim the Emirates will be half-empty on matchdays to help the new signings adapt to their new surroundings.
‘Like the old saying goes, if you can’t beat them, make them join you’, Arteta told Paddy Power News.
‘If we want to cement our status as the second-best team in the Premier League then we must continue our policy of signing players the champions deem surplus to requirements’.
‘Whether these players are past their best, rotten apples or just sh*te like Gabriel Jesus, I want them in this Manchester City Old Boys side’.
It’s reminiscent of the time when Manchester City considered rebranding themselves as ‘Arsenal Mercenaries’ when the club was purchased by Abu Dhabi United Group in 2008.
The Manchester outfit discussed the name change when they signed Gunners stars including Bacary Sagna, Kolo Toure, Emmanuel Adebayor, Samir Nasri and Gael Clichy.
‘We toyed with the idea of calling ourselves the Arsenal Mercenaries’, City owner Sheikh Mansour told Paddy Power News.
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‘But then we discovered all of the players we signed were only here for the money’.
‘I was shocked to hear this because it was my understanding that Robinho was a boyhood Manchester City fan’, wept the Sheikh while dabbing his eyes with a wad of bank notes.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is 100% fake news. Honest.
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