Mark Noble gets bacon rolls in for hungover West Ham stars

Now that's what I call a Director of Football


West Ham United’s Sporting Director Mark Noble delivered bacon rolls to hungover Hammers stars this morning after they reached their first major European final since 1976.

David Moyes’ side overcame AZ Alkmaar in their Europa Conference League semi-final with a 1-0 second-leg win sparking wild celebrations after the full-time whistle.

While West Ham’s players and coaching staff celebrated on the pitch, Noble was busy putting on a spread befitting an East End gangster’s wake in the away dressing room.

In footage appearing on Twitter this morning, Noble can be heard telling the players as they enter:

‘Lads, there are jellied eels, chicken goujons and pie & mash sarnies with the crusts off. Just the way you like them, Declan’.

As the players tuck into their Brexit buffet, suddenly Noble appears with some beers.

‘They were all out of Carling, lads. So, these weak as p*ss European lagers will have to do’, yells the former Hammers skipper with a crate of Heineken under his arm.

‘Get these down you, lads. Then back to mine for a few Carling and a Nigel Farage documentary’, he adds.

After overindulging the previous evening, several players woke up in Noble’s games room nursing crippling hangovers.

However, the West Ham legend was once again on hand to save the day with a hearty breakfast of bacon rolls and energy drinks.

‘Get that down you, Jarrod son’, said the 36-year-old while stuffing a bacon roll into winger Jarrod Bowen’s mouth.

Discussing his new role at the club, Noble told Paddy Power News:

‘Putting on spreads, getting the beers and hangover cures for the lads. That is what being the modern Sporting Director is all about’.

Asked if he held any other responsibilities, Noble said:

‘I’m the WhatsApp group admin. I organize the weekly raffle in the player’s lounge and don’t forget the lad’s Christmas night out. That reminds me, I need to book a table at the Dog & Duck’.

*Paddy Power’s football coverage is 100% fake news. Honest.


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