Solskjaer sends CV to Man United after Lampard’s Chelsea return

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Former Manchester United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has sent his CV to the club in a bid to be reappointed as manager with immediate effect.

According to Paddy Power News sources, Solskjaer is said to have been “extremely motivated” by the reappointment of Frank Lampard at Chelsea, believing if somebody as ineffective on the touchline as Frank can wangle a second shot at the bigtime, then that leaves real hope for him with United.

“The Glazers received a CV yesterday which had a photo of Solskjaer at the wheel of a car with Harry Maguire, Cristiano Ronaldo and Paul Pogba sat alongside him. Under job history it listed his career goals, and as his only reference he listed a Mr Ferdinand” confirmed a United insider.

“It was a relatively short CV to be fair. Under strengths it simply said, ‘treble 1999’ and ‘still get ID’d for booze and fags’”.

“Under weaknesses it said ‘tactics’, and ‘general football stuff’.”

“If I’m honest, this was enough to get him the job last time around, so I am not quite sure what’s going to happen. I guess Ole only lost 5-0 to Liverpool whereas Erik ten Hag lost 7-0 which begs the question who is better equipped to lead the club to success? It’s hard to say” continued the insider.

Paddy Power News reached out to representatives of Solskjaer for comment.

“The first thing Ole wants to do is instil the feel-good factor of the 90s around the club by having Blur, Spice Girls and Take That on repeat. He then plans to recruit Ronny Johnsen, Dwight Yorke and Jonathan Greening to the coaching staff, whack on a DVD of the treble winning season and talk about the glory days.

“From there we understand he will go all guns blazing to re-sign Cristiano Ronaldo, just on the off-chance that Man City might be lining him up.

“It’s a fool-proof plan so from here, the ball is firmly in the court of Manchester United. We wait.”

When asked about United attackers Wout Weghorst and Anthony Martial, Solskjaer’s spokesperson was happy to outline plans for both players.

“Should Ole make his return and bring Ronaldo with him, questions will obviously be raised over Weghorst’s future, but rest assured there will be a place for him at Old Trafford.

“Setting up training sessions, putting out cones, collecting the balls after shooting practice, that sort of thing. He could learn a lot from Mike Phelan in this area so we might turn it into a bit of an apprenticeship for Wout.

“As for Martial. Ole still has 5 years remaining on a 10-year lease he took out on a hospital bed for the player during his first spell as manager so we don’t anticipate any changes here” concluded the spokesperson.

*Paddy Power’s football coverage is 100% fake news. Honest.

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