A man who claims to have been to the future says that Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo will be scoring goals thirty years from now.
In footage recently discovered on an old VHS camcorder, the white-haired wild-eyed time traveller rants about the iconic duo setting new records in the year 2053.
LUSAIL CITY, QATAR – DECEMBER 18: Lionel Messi celebrates scoring Argentina’s first goal during the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 Final match between Argentina and France at Lusail Stadium on December 18, 2022 in Lusail City, Qatar. (Photo by Visionhaus/Getty Images)
An American hiker unearthed the footage when he stumbled upon a modified DeLorean hidden inside a cave near Hill Valley, California.
In images set to shake the world, the time traveller smuggles the recording device into what appears to be a European Super League Final game between Paris Saint Germain and Newcastle United sometime in the year 2053.
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Played in-front of a capacity crowd at the Elon Musk Stadium on Mars, Messi’s PSG defeats Ronaldo’s Newcastle 4-3 in an all-time classic.
‘Great Scott’, screams the time traveller, as Messi dribbles past three Newcastle defenders including a Dan Burn clone before putting the ball in the top corner from 30-yards out.
‘Siiuuuuuuuu’, he cries, as Ronaldo despatches his 500th career penalty past the hapless Jordan Pickford Jr.
The scientist also makes the startling claim that Messi and Ronaldo may have conspired with a man known as ‘Biff’ to alter the space-time continuum and prolong their extraordinary careers.
‘Maybe it’s the botox but Ronaldo looks incredibly fresh-faced for a 68-year-old’, he comments during an oxygen break in the second half.
‘If I didn’t know better, I’d say Biff took urine samples from Lionel and Cristiano while posing as a drugs tester at the 2022 World Cup and used those samples to create clones.
‘Then he sent those clones to the future to influence the outcome of football matches in some elaborate betting scheme to get rich’.
‘I told Marty not to leave that almanac in his f**king arse pocket again’.
The final images captured by the time traveller are of Messi going up to collect a record-tenth European Super League trophy while a Martian wave travels around the stadium.
Meanwhile, Ronaldo storms off to wake Piers Morgan from a cryogenic sleep and do a bombshell interview about how he no longer respects Newcastle boss Sean Longstaff.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense and that’s the truth. Honest.
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