McDonald’s launch McFred burger during Casemiro suspension

The boys are back in town *guitar riff*

Fast food giants McDonald’s are understood to be launching the McFred burger over the coming days, as a tribute to Manchester United’s deadly midfield duo, Scott McTominay and Fred, who will likely be stepping up whilst Casemiro serves a suspension.

For a limited time only, customers can get their hands on the two-patty burger which is rumoured to be coated in Brazil nuts with a slice of Haggis and glazed in Irn Bru.

Casemiro, Manchester United , 1-23

“When buying and eating the McFred, customers will go through the same emotional rollercoaster Erik ten Hag goes through when selecting and watching McFred,” a spokesman for the fast food chain said.

“We spotted a unique marketing opportunity to create a burger named after two of the most talked about footballers in England for all the wrong reasons.

Though customers remain to be convinced. One United supporter questioned at the Altrincham drive-thru had this to say after trying to new burger.

“Fred and McTominay individually they have their qualities, but just like Haggis, Brazil Nuts and Irn Bru, when you put them together, it has calamity written all over it.”

The McFred will be a high-risk pick from the menu and Erik ten Hag’s squad, and both are likely to leave people unsatisfied and slightly queasy once finished.

However, McDonald’s expects sales to boom, simply because nobody will believe just how bad the McFred is until they experience it for themselves.

“It worked for Ole… for a while,” their spokesman said. “And if people really hate it, we’ll just give away a few more Monopoly stickers with them. Everybody wins.”

Meanwhile, Casemiro is set to reach the Copacabana Beach by Friday morning, having been seen boarding a private jet with his family following the suspension.

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND – FEBRUARY 27: Scott McTominay of Manchester United celebrates with teammate Fred of Manchester United after scoring his team’s third goal during the UEFA Europa League round of 32 second leg match between Manchester United and Club Brugge at Old Trafford on February 27, 2020 in Manchester, United Kingdom. (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

Photos of the ex-Real Madrid star visiting his local Tui store looking through Easter vacation brochures prior to the Southampton match have made their way to social media.

It is believed the tough tackling midfielder fancied a three-week all-inclusive holiday back in his mother land but felt the best way to obtain it was to make himself unavailable.

“During his 2 years playing for Manchester United, fellow south American Edinson Cavani spent a total of 97 weeks on the beach. It was a hugely influential factor in Casemiro joining United,” our South American football correspondent confirmed.

And rumours suggest others could be tempted to Old Trafford too.

“All Neymar need is two months a season off for his sister’s birthday. Give him that – plus half-a-million a week – and he’s yours,” we were told.

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense and that’s the truth. Honest.