Bruno Fernandes to deliver People’s Elbow on linesman if Betis win

D'you smell what Bruno Fernandes is cooking?


Manchester United midfielder Bruno Fernandes is understood to have been practicing legendary wrestling move the People’s Elbow ahead of his sides clash with Real Betis in the Europa League this Thursday night.

Following the 7-0 hammering at the hands of Liverpool, rumours have been circulating that Fernandes, the world’s sorest loser, has spend United’s training sessions before Thursday perfecting The Rock’s signature move, which he intends to perform on the linesman should a contentious decision go in favour of the Spanish side.

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND – FEBRUARY 27: Bruno Fernandes of Manchester United celebrates after scoring his team’s first goal from the penalty spot during the UEFA Europa League round of 32 second leg match between Manchester United and Club Brugge at Old Trafford on February 27, 2020 in Manchester, United Kingdom. (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

“Since nudging the linesman and acting like a total brat at the weekend, he’s developed a taste for blood and continued to go off the rails,” an Old Trafford source explained.

“He’s been down at Carrington practicing all kinds of wrestling moves.

“He landed a Stone-Cold Stunner on poor Dalot in the Anfield changing room after the game and now wants more.”

“It’s ironic that he’s had Sabitzer in a Sharpshooter and RKO’d Steve McClaren, yet if anybody so much as brushes past him, he falls to the floor and rolls around like a squealing little pig”.

Our sources also suggest that United’s number 8 had initially been practicing the DDT move made famous my Jake The Snake Roberts, but a number of his team mates confused him for the slippery little snake instead of the pro wrestler.

However, it hasn’t all been bad news for Fernandes this week, as a new sponsorship deal with Lynx is believed to be on the cards.

MIAMI GARDENS, FL – APRIL 1: Dwayne ”The Rock” Johnson and John Cena in action during WrestleMania XXVIII at Sun Life Stadium on April 1, 2012 in Miami Gardens, Florida. (Photo by Ron Elkman/Sports Imagery/Getty Images)

A spokesperson for the pungent deodorant made the following statement on their official Facebook page.

“Everybody at Lynx would love to work with Bruno Fernandes as he fits the profile of celebrity we love as he has his arms flapping around in the air for a full 89 minutes every time he plays.

“We believe if we could get some Africa or Java as well as our brand logo in those armpit areas, our sales would triple overnight.

“Plus, he would smell like a 12-year-old pubescent lad, which is how is acts most of the time anyway and our key demographic.

“Bruno and Lynx are a match made in heaven. It’s the perfect fit.”

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense and that’s the truth. Honest.



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