Man United value plummets to ten quid after 7-0 Liverpool beating

Give you a crate of Vimto for it.


The Glazer family, who were hoping to collect around six billion for the sale of the Red Devils, woke up to the news earlier, that the New York Stock Exchange now values the club at 12 US dollars, following their record-equalling defeat by Liverpool.

A spokesperson for the Glazer family issued a short statement outside Old Trafford earlier.

NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 10: In this handout photo provided by the NYSE Euronext, Manchester United Executives Joel Glazer (R) and Avram Glazer (C) arrive to ring the Opening Bell at the New York Stock Exchange on August 10, 2012 in New York City. Manchester United shares started trading at USD 14.05 at the opening of the New York Stock Exchange. (Photo Dario Cantatore/Getty Images via NYSE Euronext)

“Joel and Avram have been hurt massively by the unfortunate events at Anfield. However, they remain 100 per-cent committed to getting the best deal for the club in light of the current circumstances.

“The deadline for any revised bids from interested parties, is lunchtime on Friday.”

Advisors for Qatari Sheikh Jassim bin Hamad al-Thani, who went public with a bid in the region of four billion only two weeks ago, told Paddy Power News:

“We’re definitely pulling out after watching that shower of s**t yesterday.

We thought that this team were half decent after winning that three-handled trophy last week, but the manager’s silly dance at Wembley Sunday was the final straw.

“The Glazers will be lucky to get a fiver now and they’re welcome to it. The boss is now focusing his attention on buying Liverpool.”

Erik Ten Hag

The other definite bidder, Sir Jim Ratcliffe, was unavailable for comment, but our sources outside Old Trafford this morning, witnessed a man who resembled the billionaire business tycoon, running away from the players entrance with an envelope stuffed in his top pocket.

Paddy Power News spent the morning in the city to gauge public opinion on the latest situation. Dave from Didsbury told us:

“I’m getting a consortium together with some lads from work to try to buy United. So far we’ve managed to raise around four quid, but we’re confident that we’ll have the full amount before the end of the week.”

Rob and Tracy on the other hand, who were returning 300 quid’s worth of United merch that was only purchased on Saturday, were still seething.

“We feel we’ve been robbed” they explained, “There’s no way we could sleep under our new Fernandes duvet after watching that. We feel we deserve a written apology from (Erik) ten Hag along with everyone else in the Home Counties.

“Now we’re off to The Etihad as City have apparently got an end of season sale on.”

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense and that’s the truth. Honest.



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